YOUR LIFE A-Z:LOVE

Don't Let Love be an Illusion

LOVE

Wow the TWENTY-MINUTE Coach made it almost to the end of the year without using this word LOVE.  As Tina Turner sings, “What does LOVE have to do with it?”  LOVE is considered an action verb but is often referred to as a state of being.  For instance,  “I am in LOVE.”  LOVE comes up during the holiday season because LOVE is the assumed connection that brings family and friends together.  However, if the holiday season was not over-commercialized what would you choose to do with this time of year?  Who would you choose to invite to your holiday table if you did not feel like you should?  Who would you buy gifts for if you did not have too?  The definition of LOVE implies deep affection, endearment, and fondness.  What prevents you from feeling those feelings from those you choose to be around for the holiday?  If resentment, judgment and uncomfortable emotions hinder you from really LOVING those around you during this time of year, why not let go of those negative emotions and replace those emotions with LOVE.   Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has personal pain in his/her life even if they choose not to acknowledge it.  Difficult emotions are shunned in our society.  It is time to quit denying those difficult emotions and allow yourself to explore them in order that you can be emotionally free to really LOVE.  LOVE and the actions of LOVE are best practiced with a genuine heart of fondness.  Let go and learn to LOVE this holiday season.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:PEACE

PEACE

It is important to have inner PEACE.  Inner PEACE is a state of being content with whatever the situation is.  If you panic about something you are wasting valuable resources of time, energy, and action.  When something comes your way that is upsetting it is easy to lose your inner PEACE.   When you do lose your PEACE you can get it back easy too by practicing your mantra or your breathing.  Unsettling situations require a presence of mind otherwise you can make decisions and take action that is not helpful because of that deep inner need to fix things or control them.  When you are insisting on control, you will lose your PEACE often.  Practicing PEACE is an effort of intention that requires mindful action.  PEACE does not have to be illusive.  PEACE is something you aspire to achieve on a daily basis.  Take an inventory of the issues in your life that steal your PEACE.  Ask yourself how these PEACE stealing issues continue to harass your ability to enjoy your daily life?  Where do you need to shift your focus in order to maintain a sense of PEACE, regardless of the situation you are facing?  What do you get out of being hysterical about any situation?  Life happens.  People die. People betray you. People get horrible illnesses and have life changing accidents.  That is reality.  Reality is not powerful enough to steal your PEACE if you don’t allow it.  PEACE is an attitude and a practice.  PEACE is acquired by action.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:NAME

NAMING IS REALLY IMPORTANT

NAME

What is your NAME?  What does your NAME mean?  Do you have any idea why or how your parents came to choose your NAME?   NAMES are powerful resources for your personal stories. Each of your stories started before you were born.  So often when you think about your personal transitions from childhood through to your current age it is easy to focus on the negative things in your life.  And some of you may feel very negative about your NAME. Some of you may even hate your NAME.  If this is the case, then stop being a victim to it and change it. You can choose to be called whatever name you want.  For instance if your name is Edna and you hate that, what would you like people to call you instead?  Next time that you introduce yourself say, “my name is Edna but I prefer to be called Anna.”  After awhile you and everyone else gets use to it and you don’t have to even think about it until you sign legal documents.  If you hate it that much change your name legally.  That is powerful way to actualize your personal power.  NAMES are important identifying labels for you.  If you don’t know the story behind your birth NAME then go on a personal discovery adventure to ask questions of your family members.  Ask, how did I come to be NAMED ___________?  What other family stories are out there about other family members NAMES?   Become a story- teller and story collector of the NAMES in your family.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: VICARIOUS

REFLECTION OF OTHER

VICARIOUS

Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes is the beginning of VICARIOUS action that leads you to empathy and compassion.  Imagining yourself in the same predicament as someone else allows you to VICARIOUSLY feel, think, and act on behalf of another person.  Acting as a substitute for someone else broadens your perspective and enables you to understand someone else’s suffering or pain.  Have you ever had the experience of seeing a bad car-wreck and imagining how the victims were hurting and scared?  That is a VICARIOUS moment.  When you watch a movie and the movie elicits deep feelings for the actors you are experiencing a VICARIOUS moment.  When you see someone else being hurt or bullied and you step in, not only are you acting from compassion, but also you are motivated to step in because you understand VICARIOUSLY how awful bullying feels.  VICARIOUS moments provide us with opportunities to grow and practice Ubuntu.  The next time you find yourself looking away from a homeless person or ignoring a disabled person, stop yourself and see if you can have a VICARIOUS moment.   Ask yourself, “What would I want to hear right now if I were in his/her shoes?” Maybe just eye contact and a gentle hello are better than pretending the disabled person is invisible.  Your face says a lot in moments like those.   Don’t let fear prevent you from practicing a VIGARIOUS moment.  If you will practice VIGARIOUS moments, you will begin to feel more alive and present to yourself and others.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: REFRAME

WHAT DO YOU SEE? THE SPACE OR THE PLANT

REFRAME

Even if you have not thought about it, most of you have experienced how different a piece of art can look when you change the frame or mat around a dull picture.  REFRAMING what already exist is a way to make old things new and useful again.  REFRAMING a thought, idea, project, or behavior is a way to change what is not working in your life to something that has beauty and purpose.    The art of cognitive REFRAMING is taught in all good psychology classes as a necessary and useful tool for practicing psychotherapy.   It is usually hard for individuals to see options until a well- trained psychotherapists says something like, “Rather than seeing the situation as impossible, let’s look at the opportunities this problem has for you.”  Good psychotherapists are like great interior designers, transforming the rooms in your life to be amazing.   REFRAMING thoughts in your head to work for you rather than against you is an important tool to learn to help you with your daily life. There are hundreds of different ways to think about your situation or problem.  Do not stick with the familiar or difficult way of thinking about it, get out of your box and write down at least three different ways to think about your current situation. By doing so you are learning the art of REFRAMING.  By practicing the art of reframing you are building emotional competence and training your brain in positive living.  REFRAME ugly thoughts into beautiful ones.