Spirituality

 

SPIRITUALITY 

Fire burning within your soul, not because you it keeps you warm but because it brings you great joy to connect with the "Other."  Spirituality cannot be defined by others it has to be defined by you from deep within you being.  But you may notice as soon as you define it, it begins to evade you. The evasion of Spirituality is like trying to catch air in a bottle.  You can't see the air.  You can't drink the air.  You can't touch the air and if you pour water into the bottle then there is no space left for air to be.  Air is absolutely necessary for the survival of earthlings but it is not easy to capture or define.  Spirituality is absolutely necessary for earthlings but it will not be defined or contained nor restrained by our English language.  Spirituality is about experience.  Spirituality is about connection.  Spirituality is about other. Spirituality is about emotion.  Spirituality is about_____________________.  Yes, you can finish the sentence.  Spirituality is mystical, mystery and ordinary.  When you give a street musician a dollar for playing his/her banjo or when you give the waiter/waitress a tip you are practicing Spirituality. You are connecting with other in a meaningful way, making another earthling’s lives better.  Be the fire that turns many shades of color throughout your day.  Make someone else smile because you took a moment to make a difference.  As the Dali Lama say’s “My religion is kindness.”  It is connecting with your own inner fire that makes Spirituality the fire (action) a religion.  Sharing what is within and the sharing of your resources makes Spirituality come to life.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z:QUAINT

Create Memories out  of QUAINT  Traditions

QUAINT

QUAINT is defined as picturesque, attractive, charming and even old-fashion.  Thus, when I think about a QUAINT Christmas, I remember fondly the real bubble lights on our family Christmas tree.  Those lights were magical and I could watch them for hours on end, mesmerized by the bubbles that endlessly climbed to the top of each light.  What are some of your QUAINT memories about your past holidays?  Do you have a tradition from your childhood that you still carry on in your family today?  What is it about that tradition that makes you feel connected to QUAINT times of the past?  Carving out time in the hustle and bustle of this over commercialized season to make a Christmas evening at home QUAINT will help you build memories with your family for years to come. What could be better than turning on some traditional Christmas music, turning on the Christmas tree, and sitting around the living room telling Christmas stories and remembering your favorite Christmas with your children and friends?  That is beginning of building a picturesque and QUAINT Christmas.  You can make some popcorn, Christmas cookies, and hot chocolate and turn off all electronics for two hours while engaging each other in conversations and story.  Storytelling is a QUAINT activity that builds relationships, exercises creativity, and enhances connection among family members taking advantage of personal time that will never be forgotten.  Set aside at least one designated evening to be with family and set the stage to create an old-fashion QUAINT Christmas tradition.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:PRESENTS

GIVE THE GIFT OF LIGHT

PRESENTS Under the Tree

As we are learning together, most of our traditions come from Germany with pagan origins, hi-jacked by the Church to bring people to Christianity.  I would speak to the issue of the Church as opportunists, but that would not speak to the spirit of the season, so I will stick to Advent and using this time of the year to truly reflect on the opportunity that the Christmas Season gives us to connect to other people.  We know the Magi brought gifts to the Christ Child.  We know that in the dark season of winter, Europeans brought each other gifts of food, Yule logs, and other gifts that represented life.  I learned that the tradition of lavish PRESENTS under the tree really began when German Prince Albert married Queen Victoria of England.  Queen Victoria had fond memories of her childhood when her German mother and British father placed PRESENTS under the tree for their children. Queen Victoria developed fond memories of this time and she and her German husband carried on the tradition in their royal family. Beautiful pictures of their PRESENTS under the tree made their way into the paper.  The wealthy middle class adopted the idea of the PRESENTS and today it has become an opportune time for merchants.  I invite you to personalize the tradition for yourself and your family.  Create ways this Christmas (and Hanukkah) to make PRESENTS meaningful and mindful. Choose PRESENTS that make a heartfelt connection to those you choose to gift. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: FEELINGS

ALIVE!

FEELINGS

It takes microseconds to register FEELINGS within your body and those FEELINGS are responses to your personal biological Affects, empowered by your scripts (history and belief system).  The coaching process helps clients identify FEELINGS building an awareness of connection between the past and the present.  For instance, if you are walking down a grocery isle and you hear a mother shame her child by saying something like, “Don’t act so stupid,” at first you may just be annoyed at the bad parenting.  Being annoyed is a FEELING.  Depending on your own childhood history and personal experience with shaming messages, you may discover that in a few hours you are experiencing deep sadness or anger.  Sadness and anger are part of your nine-affect family.  At first you may not make the connection between your sadness and anger and the earlier grocery store scene.  However, if you will explore your affects you may come across personal childhood scenes where you were shamed publically several times.  Now, your system is beginning to put the pieces of the puzzle together and your memory elicits other FEELINGS such as betrayal, hurt, and discouragement about your childhood.  FEELINGS are internal radar systems that help us live more in the present by being emotionally healthy.  When all of this activity lurks in the unconscious then often non-productive behaviors take over such as overeating, using substances, or checking out emotionally in front of the TV for hours.  FEELINGS are important to pay attention too whether they seem small like, “annoyed” or big like “betrayal.”  Make a pledge to stay connected to what you are FEELING.  I guess you could say FEELINGS are personal greetings not to be ignored.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: VICARIOUS

REFLECTION OF OTHER

VICARIOUS

Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes is the beginning of VICARIOUS action that leads you to empathy and compassion.  Imagining yourself in the same predicament as someone else allows you to VICARIOUSLY feel, think, and act on behalf of another person.  Acting as a substitute for someone else broadens your perspective and enables you to understand someone else’s suffering or pain.  Have you ever had the experience of seeing a bad car-wreck and imagining how the victims were hurting and scared?  That is a VICARIOUS moment.  When you watch a movie and the movie elicits deep feelings for the actors you are experiencing a VICARIOUS moment.  When you see someone else being hurt or bullied and you step in, not only are you acting from compassion, but also you are motivated to step in because you understand VICARIOUSLY how awful bullying feels.  VICARIOUS moments provide us with opportunities to grow and practice Ubuntu.  The next time you find yourself looking away from a homeless person or ignoring a disabled person, stop yourself and see if you can have a VICARIOUS moment.   Ask yourself, “What would I want to hear right now if I were in his/her shoes?” Maybe just eye contact and a gentle hello are better than pretending the disabled person is invisible.  Your face says a lot in moments like those.   Don’t let fear prevent you from practicing a VIGARIOUS moment.  If you will practice VIGARIOUS moments, you will begin to feel more alive and present to yourself and others.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: TALK

TALK IS SO IMPORTANT!

TALK

Do you TALK enough?  When you TALK what do you TALK about it?  To TALK is to communicate with words and TALK can take place at many levels.  TALK can be chitchat, which comprises of words that are platitudes and connections at the same time.  If you  don’t chitchat then you will  probably never advance toward a deep meaningful TALK with someone else.   Then there is informational TALK.  That level of TALK is about sharing necessary information on a need to know basis.  Using words to express your thoughts and feelings is an important skill to learn and to practice.  TALK is the language of connecting and getting around in the word.  Without TALK no conversations take place and the world can become a lonely and isolated place.  Conversations are necessary for us as humans and TALK  is essential for connected intimate relationships.  Your interpersonal relationships require TALK on both the chitchat and on a deep meaningful level.  Don’t ignore the relationships next to you.  Tend to those relationships like a beautiful garden,  fertilize them with daily TALK.   Small words such as, “I love you;” “How was your day?;”  or even a wink across the room can be the TALK that keeps the relationship garden flourishing.  All gardens require weeding and that requires some difficult TALK.  It is important to be able to tell your relationships what you like and what you don’t like.  Maybe you don’t want pansies in your garden,  then you need to TALK about that too.  Connect today with a TALK within all of your relationships.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:LAUGHTER

DON'T JUST STAND THERE...LAUGH

LAUGHTER

To LAUGH is not LAUGHING matter.  LAUGHTER has become a recognized tool in wellness, yoga, and healing.  LAUGHTER is good medicine.  The actual act of LAUGHING is known to release endorphins in the brain, increase blood supply and oxygen levels as well as lift a person’s suppressed mood.  LAUGHTER causes the lungs to contract and expand and the throat to let go of uptight rigid quietness.  LAUGHING makes the facial muscles relax and spread open brightening the face.  To LAUGH is to express joy, connection, and delight in something that brings a sense of well- being to you.  LAUGHTER strengthens your immune system while reducing physical pain while increasing energy to help you move positively into your day.  LAUGHTER may feel forced when doing LAUGHTER yoga, but so what?  So what if you are counting your “ho-ho-ho’s” and exaggerating the noise from your throat to reach for the stars?  Who is watching?  Part of getting well and taking charge of creating a happy a life for yourself is learning to do knew things, take adventurous risks, and break out of old habits.  I challenge you to LAUGH today.  I have a link that I am sharing with a challenge for you to click and LAUGH in the privacy of your own home or office.  Let you endorphins free to assist you in moving negative and depressed energy out of your body and space and into a make believe dumpster.  Don’t stay heavy one more minute.  Click and LAUGH away: http://www.laughteryogaamerica.com/learn/laughteryoga-learn/how-laughter-helps-with-stress-relief-7896.php

YOUR LIFE A-Z: XEROSERE

CREATIVITY IN THE STARKNESS OF ENVIRONMENTS

XEROSERE 

“X” words are becoming my favorite because I learn so much.  XEROSERE is especially exciting because it speaks to me of the synchronicity of random events.  After I wrote about water, I typed in “words that start with X” into my browser.  I hardly know what any of them mean and this one seemed interesting so I clicked on its definition. “XEROSERE is plant succession which is limited by water availability.”  I am certain that the science of XEROSERE is deeper than where I am going with this blog but think about the difference between a rock and forest.  The succession of plant stages go from bare rocks to climax stage.  Such is your emotional life.  Emotions are stages and more we are tossed around in turbulent waters of our life the more we grow.  Our stages mirror that of our environment.  We even use a vocabulary that is similar to XEROSERE.  Often time we will say someone is barren of emotional connection, meaning their emotional landscape is void of expression, zeal, and depth.  It is natural to want to connect with people who have well developed emotions by moving past the rock to moss stage and are in the herb, shrub, tree, or climax stage.  The climax state of XEROSERE is a strong community stage of a forest, which has banned together from the many trees that make it up the community.  The healthier you are emotionally the more developed the XEROSERE of your emotional life.  Be sure to let the water of your emotions allow you to grow strong and tall. Forest or rocks, created a community.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z VALUE

ENJOY THE ARRANGEMENT OF BEAUTY

VALUE

What is it that you value and how do you know that you value it?  Value is also a word that one needs to "qualify"; how much value do I place on that which I value.   Because we are at the start of the New Year, let's not talk about monetary value, but heart value.  If we really value someone, why is it that we really don't listen to what s/he says or needs?  Why do we continue our same old behavior that they tell us hurts them.  Is it because we really don't care if we hurt them or is it because we just believe they are trying to change us and we refuse to change for the good of the couple-hood or family.  See, value is not as simple as it sounds.  In fact, value is quite complicated.  So during this time of taking the Twenty Minute Coach as a serious route of change for this coming year, spend some reflective time with the word value.  The dictionary says to value something is to decide on its worth, importance, and its usefulness.  I do not believe we can value others until we value ourselves.  But, paradoxically, unless we value others they are not going to stick around unless they believe they deserve someone who does not hear them.  What would be so wrong with making some change for those around you?  What is it that you really value?