YOUR LIFE A-Z:QUEST

QUEST AND CONQUER ALL THAT YOU DESIRE

QUEST

Quest is a journey towards a goal.  All cultures have stories of hero journeys where the seeker is on a QUEST of an important object or a person.  This QUEST is depicted as arduous, adventurous, as well as dangerous.  Many obstacles appear along the seeker’s path discouraging and attempting to defeat the seeker from his/her goal.  The Twenty –Minute Coach calls these obstacles, life.  Life is often arduous, causing us to question the meaning of our existence, whine about “why is this so hard,” and declare that we quit.  But that flame of the QUEST finds its way out of the ruble and reminds us that there is an adventure ahead and we must keep putting one foot in front of the other and overcome the obstacles in our path.  Life is dangerous, but fortunately we have a healthy sense of denial.  We drive weapons, climb shaky ladders, and sometimes just jump out of perfectly good airplanes because the QUEST to conquer challenges, fears, and obstacles keep us moving forward.  Native Americans speak of the vision QUEST where the Native person leaves the comfort of the tribe and goes off into the wilderness, often without food or drink; and sometimes with the shaman or medicine person to QUEST after his/her calling purpose in the tribe.  The QUEST is intended to take us above the ordinary and into the extraordinary in order that we might live our daily life in mindful and purposeful ways.  QUEST after that which fulfills you. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z:PRIORITIZE

Prioritize In Order to Stay on Your Journey

PRIORITIZE 

I am accustomed to say, “I will always have plenty of stuff in my inbox.”  That is true for me.  Thus, take this as permission not to have to pay attention to the minutia of life just because it is in your inbox.  Is it important?  Is it urgent?  Is it necessary?  Why is it in your inbox and not in your trashcan?  Our lives have many pieces inclusive of financial, physical, relational, and career but not limited too those four important categories.  Each category is clamoring for attention.  The only way that you are going to get important life goals accomplished it to PRIORITIZE.    What is the main goal in each of your chosen four categories and what is the three- step plan to accomplish each of those goals?  Develop a plan, PRIORITIZE the most important to you and then work the plan on a regular basis until you can check it off of your list.  Life is lived happier via the action or PRIORITIZE, PRIORITIZE, PRIORITIZE!   If you are not getting things accomplished in your life the big “P” word of PRIORITIZE is missing.  It takes time to plan, list, and PRIORITIZE, but efficiency and big bite-size accomplishments are the prize for Organizing and PRIORITIZING your daily, weekly, monthly and bucket list goals.  The idea of a bucket list helps us take an honest look at the things in our inbox and ask ourselves,  “Really, do I need to look at this three month old magazine?  Is that really how I want to use my time?” 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: ORGANIZE

ORGANIZE AND PLAN AHEAD TO ENJOY THE BEAUTY

ORGANIZE

I don’t know how this important O word did not show up until now.  However, when it comes to Neat, List, and Next, it seems like synchronicity is bringing it around at just the right time moment. ORGANIZE your life.  ORGANIZE every part of it and use your important List and Next to help you.  It is a well-researched fact that the more ORGANIZED our life, home, finances, plans, and activities are the happier and less stressed we tend to be.  Don’t worry about getting obsessive.  That is just an excuse to keep you from being your best self. 
ORGANIZE one drawer today and notice how it makes you feel.  Make a List of what else needs to be ORGANIZED in your home.  Next, ORGANIZE your finances.  Create and stick to a budget.  A healthy budget takes three months to create.  It takes a month to List every expense.  The next month you ORGANIZE priorities on that List and do your budget cuts.  On the third month you have a budget to live by for the next six months and then ORGANIZE it again.  ORGANIZE the places in your life that are creating chaos.  Use your List to ORGANIZE and prioritize your time so that you can make the most out of your day.  Remember you are the CEO of your life and you have the power to fix what is not working and add what you would like to the management of daily life.  ORGANIZE it in ways that make sense and that are useful to you. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: NEXT

Life is Waiting for You.  What is NEXT?

NEXT

If you are like me you have a list of things that need to be done.  That list can keep us busy twenty- four hours a day.  However, that list is not really NEXT in our life.  NEXT is a very important word.  On April 24 1996, the Women’s National Basketball Association was born with the words, WE GOT NEXT.  Those words echoed for the first few years as the WNBA took to the court to prove that women were a valuable denominator in team sports.  NEXT meant we are here now.  We have business to do and we are doing it.  What is NEXT in your life? NEXT is not doing the dishes.  NEXT is that important step of action that allows your life to open a new door of self-discovery.  What is it that you have wanted to do that is really important to you?  What keeps you putting it off?  What is the NEXT step that you need to do now in order to breathe life into your NEXT?  Has there been a class you have put off?  Or perhaps there is an entire college degree that you have yet to achieve.  Life changes in a moment’s notice, but nothing happens without forward action.  You have heard the saying; you don’t drive forward by looking in the rearview mirror that is true too about the quality of your daily life.  NEXT is a process of many small steps toward a goal.  It is showing up and establishing yourself as a person worthy of voice and presence in the world you live in.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z MASTERY

THE PANAMA CANAL - 100 YEARS OF MASTERY

MASTERY

Self- MASTERY is a skill that is necessary to survive childhood with ourself-esteem intact.  If our parents “over-functioned” for us and we could not even tie our shoes so to speak, then it is natural as kids to feel inept.  If our family system neglected us, it is likely that MASTER is something you never really cherished or celebrated.  Today as adults, when you are around a child, the normal thing to do is to clap and praise a child for the most innocuous events, like tying his or her shoe.  That praise helps the child feel confident and eager to try again and even try to perfect their former feat.  Praise builds MASTERY.  Neglect or criticism tears MASTERY down and creates a sense of inner defeat.  We cannot keep blaming our parents for our lack of confidence, self-esteem, or self-worth.  The only person to blame now is our self.  It is never too late to MASTER your life, your skills, or your dreams.  If you keep focusing on what you did not receive, guess what, you still won’t receive it.  So, learn to practice whatever it is that you want to be different in your life until you establish a sense of MASTERY.  MASTERY requires practice, fortitude, and trying again and again until you feel good about your skill level or present situation. MASTERY, being really good at something builds your self-esteem and self-image.  MASTERY of one thing leads to the energy to practice MASTERY with something else.   

YOUR LIFE A-Z: LIST

The Perfect List APP

LIST

Making a LIST is one of the most important motivating tools that exist.  It is important that you choose to utilize the gift of LIST making.  There are various types of LIST that we need to create and then manage in order to live quality daily lives.  Making a daily to-do LIST that includes all of the mundane necessary things that must be done in order to live life with efficiency is very important. If you will create a daily to do LIST and keep it for a week, I believe that will create a sense of celebration at the end of the week because you will actually see how much you accomplish and can be proud.  That LIST includes doing the dishes and taking the trash out.  Then create a project LIST.  That LIST includes things like spring cleaning, cleaning the garage and redoing the landscape.  Set a start and finish time of the project LIST.  There tends to be one more thing that each of those projects could call for, but if you have an end time then you are free to check the project off of your LIST for now and you can add a more specific “project” to the new LIST, such as painting the work bench in the garage.  You will discover that the more specific you make any LIST the more you will accomplish.  It is important that you review your LIST on a regular if not daily basis.  That is LIST management.  Do not forget to do the wonderful bucket LIST. It is the most important LIST of all!  

YOUR LIFE A-Z: KALON

The Leaf and the Bloom are Just as Beautiful as the Flower

KALON

KALON is a word that means more beautiful than skin deep and exquisite beyond the naked eye.  Ancient Greeks referred to it as the highest beauty!  Robert Mondavi, renowned wine maker, started one of the world’s earliest vineyards, KALON VINEYARD in KALON Valley, which is rich in fertile soil and perfect grape growing climates.  Do you see beyond your skin into your heart and do you nourish the goodness that already lies within you?  KALON the beauty beyond your eye is what you are looking for.  Our bodies are all flawed in one-way or the other.  Even Barbra Streisand hates her nose and will only let photos be taken from a certain side of her face.  If Barbra Streisand were to get a “nose job” it would affect her perfect voice in negative ways, so she learns to live with it.  So can you.  What part of your life are you destroying by focusing on the imperfections or the ugly?  Have you considered if your soil is fertile like Robert Mondavi? It is your choice where you choose to focus and you must ask yourself the real question, “What am I getting out of focusing on the negative parts of me?  Is my soil the best it can be?” There are many positive parts.  Who did you connect with today? Did I their day a bit easier or sunnier?  What do you do for others that often go unnoticed but you feel good about reaching out?  What are the things you do like about your KALON?  See your KALON TODAY. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: JUGGLE

IT IS IMPORTANT TO JUGGLE ALL OF YOUR EMOTIONS

JUGGLE

JUGGLE is a fun word for multi-tasking.  Our lives are complicated and it is our job to Simplify them.  I believe that learning to JUGGLE can help us simplify our daily lives and allow us to have some fun along the way.  You can learn to JUGGLE at http://www.wikihow.com/Juggle.  First, it requires focus and practice.  Allow yourself to get use to just one ball by keeping it at eye level and letting the body learn what it feels like to have mastery of the one ball.  From there, a second ball is added and the task of mastery begins again.  Here, a sense of competence takes over, and you will find yourself excited and interested in adding ball three.  You can go up to as many balls as you choose only after you JUGGLE the existing balls with ease.  This simple exercise demonstrates that multi-tasking should not be a chaotic and disorganized way of getting through the day.  Multi-tasking needs to be a JUGGLING act from the beginning of the alarm clock in the morning until you list your daily gratitude’s at night prior to falling asleep.  JUGGLE by adding tasks in the appropriate cycle and only after mastering the previous task.  Life has to be JUGGLED so you might as well focus on mastery the art of JUGGLING in ways that empower and enhance the quality of your life today.  Make a list of what you need to learn to JUGGLE and get started today. Enjoy. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: INTERACTIVE

ALONE, IN A DIVERSE GROUP, DIFFERENT, BE INTERACTIVE

INTERACTIVE

INTERACTIVE is at least a two-person interchange of activity, communication, and being interdependent with each other. Shy people who are generally introverts by nature have a more difficult time being INTERACTIVE with others.  Sometimes being INTERACTIVE can be almost physically painful for introverts.  However, the joy that comes through being interactive is a true benefit to a lifestyle of joy and contentment.  Today, take an inventory of your INTERACTIVE style.  Who do you gravitate to at work?  Where do you seek out for lunch?  When do you choose to be with people and when do you prefer to be alone?  How do you take care of yourself when you have to be INTERACTIVE with bosses, negative people, and people that distress you?  Life sometimes forces us into INTERACTIVE situations in order to help us develop a sense of positive self-esteem by challenging us with difficult circumstances and situations.  Each time we have to Handle something like that is hard for us, we won’t to evaluate it from the perspective, “how well did I Handle that INTERACTION?”  By focusing on what we did right we are able to add positive emotional muscle to our self-esteem.  Being INTERACTIVE will bring us more joy than disappointments.  Being INTERACTIVE will give us opportunities that we miss by staying in the shadows of life.  Let yourself practice INTERACTIVE connections today with new people at work, the grocery store, a different parent at a soccer game.  Broaden you life with INTERACTIVE communication. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z:HANDLE

GET A GRIP ON YOUR LIFE! OPEN THE DOOR!

HANDLE

Interesting that the word HANDLE in the English language has so many meanings.  It is the external part of a door that one uses to get in and out of a home, building, or room.  Without a HANDLE like that it would be much more difficult to enter and exit a place. Where could a HANDLE near an entrance or exit make your life more convenient?  HANDLE also means to fully touch something, as in exploring a piece of pottery with your hands.  What piece of your life do you need to HANDLE with detailed exploration?  The multi-meaningful word HANDLE also means to manage effectively.  Life is always changing and in any moments notice it can go from bad to worse or from better to great.  Getting a HANDLE on life is one big roller coaster ride and for the most part, things work themselves out safely; but if you don’t enjoy roller coasters, then you need another way to HANDLE the ups and downs of life.  Life is to be enjoyed and it is up to us to HANDLE things in the most positive ways possible.  Think about it, what good does it do you to stay angry, harbor bitterness, and become a hateful negative person?  Really, do you get something positive out of HANDLING life from that victim’s mentality?  Learn to HANDLE your life’s ups and downs in stride, knowing that your attitude in HANDLING it will make a world of difference in whether you enjoy the ride or not. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: GASTRONOMICAL

HEALTHY EATING COMES IN MANY DELIGHTS

GASTRONOMICAL

GASTRONOMICAL is the art and science of good eating by choosing, preparing and serving food to bring all of your senses together in a pleasant and fulfilling dining experience.  The last two days has been a very inward journey of self –exploration.  Today I invite you to look outward and inward at the same time.  If this exercise will not work for today that is okay, but do take some time to plan it today.  First think healthy food.  Next, what healthy foods (fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains, lean meat) do you enjoy?  If you don’t want to prepare this dish for yourself, then which restaurant can you indulge your senses by planning a GASTRONOMICAL experience while dining out?  Write down the dinner you want to plan with every side dish you will enjoy, plus a very nice desert.  GASTRONOMICAL experiences must include a delightful and beautifully prepared desert.  This dinner is not a reward; it is intended to be an experience that will allow your senses to come to life.  As you imagine your perfect GASTRONOMICAL dinner what colors are on your plate?  How is your plate of GASTRONOMICAL delight served to make it appealing to the eye?  What aromas bubble up in your kitchen as you are preparing it or whiff upward from your plate as it is served?  What is happening to your taste buds right now as you think about the perfect GASTRONOMICAL experience?  Life is to be lived and it is always lived better through GASTRONOMICAL delight. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: FORGIVE

NATURE IS A SAFE HEALING SPACE

FORGIVE-FORGIVENESS

The words FORGIVE and Forgiveness are complicated and often misunderstood.  Yesterday, The Twenty Minute Coach spoke about Expiate, making right our wrongs by doing some action that costs us energy, resources, and humility.  FORGIVENESS is a more complicated process.  A victim who has been harmed by someone else’s actions FORGIVES by intentionally and voluntarily letting go of vengeful and angry feelings toward the perpetrator.  This is a process of multiple actions and work.  If one FORGIVES before they work through the feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger then FORGIVENESS is an empty action.  To truly FORGIVE is work and does not come easy.  Being hurt is a part of life.  We have a choice to harbor our hurts and become bitter, hostile, and angry old people or we can choose to FORGIVE.  Many times the lack of being able to FORGIVE does not hurt those who victimized us but hurts us instead.  If you notice you have become hateful and bitter, do an inventory of the people and hurts that have built up inside of you.  They are like prisoners and you must release them in order for you to be free.  Emotional freedom is such an exhilarating feeling of personal accomplishment and leaves you with a sense of contentment.  A simple way to start is to write journal letters to those on your list above.  Start there and notice how your heart begins to change over the next few weeks as you choose to FORGIVE those you hold responsible for your pain.  You can’t change what happened, only how you cope with it. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: EXPIATE

ALWAYS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR A FRESH START

EXPIATE

EXPIATE means to make amends or to make things right for a wrong that you committed.  In order to move forward with your life, it is important to forgive yourself for your shortcomings, humanity, and out and out wrongs that you have committed.  Sometimes self-forgiveness is hard and often becomes a possibility if there is some action you can take to EXPIATE yourself in the situation.  In fairy tales, often times the witch requires EXPIATION for a sin committed by the protagonist or a family member of the protagonist.  In the story of the Baker, the witch required a cow, a cape, and a slipper to EXPIATE the Baker’s father.  The Catholic Church has a built in confessional where the Priest often gives the penitent something to do to EXPIATE their sin.  They might have to say so many rosaries or make a financial offering to a charity to EXPIATE his/her wrongdoing.  Sometimes this simple action of doing something active to EXPIATE one’s wrong is just what the doctor ordered to alleviate the awful feeling of guilt.  Knowing that you put forth effort to fix your wrong doing then it is easier to put your wrongs behind you and allow the freedom of changed behavior to fill up that gnawing empty ache inside.  In AA, members devote a lot of time and energy to make amends (EXPIATE) for past wrongs caused by their addiction.  What do you need to make right today?  What is it you need to do to EXPIATE yourself so that you are emotionally free?  Now do it. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: DARE

JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGULL KEPT FLYING HIGHER

DARE

DARE to take Care of You today.  DARE to be yourself today.  DARE to get out of your comfort zone and take a risk that is so “not you.”  If you are shy, DARE to talk to a stranger today.  If you are quiet, DARE to speak your opinion today.  If you are a couch potato, DARE to go for a very long walk. Take water.  DARE to risk rejection today. DARE to ask for what you want and need.  DARE is to defined as a challenge that proves courage.  Anytime we break out of our rut, we DARE to change.  Change is uncomfortable but just like a new pair of jeans when the fit is good they feel so good.  When we DARE ourselves by challenging ourselves to be different and out of our rut then after the initial discomfort, exhilaration and excitement from the challenge sets in.  What are three things that you can DARE yourself to do?  Just like the first questions in this post, do something completely out of the ordinary for you.  Life is to be experienced, not watched from the sidelines.  It is common for all of us to get into a rut and then it feels so comfortable to know that every Saturday is chores first, grocery shopping next, order in pizza and a movie in the evening.  But really what quality does that provide week in and week out?  Yes, housework must be done but switch it out so that you can use some of your energy to DARE to be different. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: CARE

CARE TAKES MANY FORMS

CARE

What does it mean to CARE?  CARE is a powerful and mobilizing word and when we focus on the true meaning of the word it is possible to really CARE about our individual wellbeing guilt free.  The noun CARE means to make provisions for health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something by paying serious attention and consideration so as not to damage but to help.  The verb CARE means to pay attention or attach importance to something.  What do you CARE about?  What are the things in your life that need serious attention in order for you to feel as if you CARE about your own wellbeing?  What causes do you CARE about?  Who do your CARE about?  Do those people that you just listed know that you CARE about them?  How do you let them know?  To CARE means to actively engage in actions of helping, attending, focusing, and allowing your consideration to flow toward that which you CARE about.  What are you neglecting in your life and why?  When did you stop CARING about yourself or someone that you once felt connected too?  It is true that when CARE is not returned it is easy to get hurt and give up.  I am asking your evaluate those things and people that you are currently CARING about and see if you need to let some of them go.  If you are CARING about someone more than they CARE about you, perhaps it is time to let go and redirect yourCARE to someone or something more fulfilling. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: BOOST

You Might Feel Small but Just a Small Boost Can Go A Long Way!

BOOST

To BOOST something means to raise, promote, increase, lift and heave.  These are all action-orientated words.  To get what we want might mean we need a BOOST.  I require a BOOST of energy around two in the afternoon during the summertime.  So a jolt of caffeine through coffee or tea is often just the fix to keep me going the next four hours.  When I am down about my projects or work a cheerful call to a colleague will BOOST my morale.  BOOSTING often requires Asking for what you need.  The next time you go to a juice bar notice that you can add BOOSTERS to your drink of choice.  To BOOST ourselves over our humps and hurdles is a necessary action to keep us motivated and moving forward in our life.  Without a BOOST it is easy to become idle, stagnant and stuck.  Where do you need a BOOST today?  Are you stuck in a place where your goal, dream, or desire feels meaningless and futile?  If that is the case then a BOOST is absolutely necessary.  How are you going to get it?  Do you need to go to the gym or for a walk to change out your energy?  Do you need to call a friend for coffee?  Do you need to download or go to the bookstore and look for an inspirational book to help you over this hump?  Perhaps you need a nap to BOOST your energy.  Whatever it is, give yourself permission to BOOST your morale. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: ASK

AN INVITATION TO ASK AWAITS YOU

ASK

To ASK for what you want and for what you need is often very uncomfortable.  Somewhere along our life’s journey many of us heard critical statements like “You always want to much? “  “Don’t ask for anything that is not offered to you?” “How selfish!”  Janet Conner in her book, The Lotus and the Lily, offers a freeing perspective on this three-letter word, ASK.  Conner does not say it exactly like this but she implies that to not ASK for what you want and need is a position of arrogance and isolation.  The mentality that you can do it all by yourself and alone is a mentality of arrogance and self-absorption.  To ASK implies interdependence and a state of vulnerability.  Being vulnerable is scary and requires a certain amount of inner strength to allow someone else to see that you have a need.  To ASK is to risk being told “no.”  The question must be running around in your head, “ASK whom?”  Start with the people in your life?  Who do you need something from?  ASK for it?  How about work?  What do you need to be different there for you to be at your best? ASK for it?  ASKING is not a passive energy.  To ASK for something is present energy.  To ASK means you have defined what you need and how your life will be better, bigger, and more effective if you receive what you are ASKING for.  Regardless of your spiritual proclivity, ASK the universe, God, nature, or the divine Other and watch it come into being over the next while.  Be brave - ASK.   

YOUR LIFE A-Z: ZYGOTE

Everything Starts from a Spark

ZYGOTE

Researchers estimate that 60% of all naturally occurring conceptions fail because the ZYGOTE never becomes properly implanted in the uterus.  Kendra Cherry references in, About Psychology, a ZYGOTE is a one- celled organism created after the egg has been fertilized.  What does a ZYGOTE have to do with your dreams and goals?  In order for a ZYGOTE to make it to the uterus, it must rapidly divide into many cells.  In order for your dream or goal to be birthed, it must be properly planted in your heart (uterus). When you plant your dream or desire in your heart you have to provide for the ZYGOTE a nutrient enriched environment for it to be able to multiply and divide rapidly.  If 60% of those dreams and desires are going to fail then you have to keep replanting and focus on the 40% that are going to grow and flourish.  Think of your personal goals as ZYGOTE ideas.  An idea is just an idea.  You can have a hundred different ideas a day.  Forty percent of those ideas can develop into dreams and goals if you provide the ZYGOTE idea with the necessary steps to become a reality.  Nothing just happens.  All things come to life with proper attention to detail, planning, and “tweaking” what doesn’t work until the ZYGOTE grows hands, feet, heart, lungs, and brain to become a mobile and viable life force to reward you with the joy of staying with the process until the hard work pays off.  Don’t be discouraged by the 60%, focus on the 40% that survive.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z:YARDSTICK

                          

YARDSTICK

A YARDSTICK is commonly a flat wooden stick measuring a yard (3 feet) and subdivided by 1/8  or sometimes 1/16 inches throughout its length for measurement.  Sometimes it is easy to get focused on the full yard and forget that every small effort of a 1/8 or 1/16 of an inch helps us achieve our goal.  Thus, when measuring your progress do not allow yourself to slip into an all or nothing mentality.  Don’t focus on your lack of success; focus on the 1/16  inch of success along the way.  Maybe you have not reached the full YARDSTICK of accomplishment but maybe you are 1 and ¾ of the way to the full 36 inches that a YARDSTICK measures.  When we focus on the positive it builds our morale and energy and it becomes easier to say I can do another sixteenth of an inch right now.  Tomorrow I can do a full inch.  Inch-by-inch I will reach my goal.  This is a good time to re-evaluate your success and the definition of your goal.  It is not enough to say I am going to eat healthier.  It is important to have a healthy daily eating plan and then it will be easier to measure the YARDSTICK of your success.  Once one Yard has been accomplished then the YARDSTICK gets moved and your start on the second YARDSTICK.  Interior designers depend on YARDSTICKS to help them furnish a room perfectly.  Think of yourself as the interior designer of your life and focus on the “look” you want to accomplish with the YARDSTICK of your life. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z:XYLASTIC

EXPRESSION TRANSFORMED INTO MUSIC

XYLASTIC

XYLASTIC is a product that covers areas that need to be waterproofed.  XYLASTIC keeps the water from penetrating through areas and damaging the underlying structure.  As humans, we often wear our emotions and reactions on our sleeve, spit them out of our mouth, or show them too readily on our face.  Emotions are emotions, a blend of your biology and your feelings.  When Weaning away from some of your less mature choices and actions, XYLASTIC may come in handy.  Practice thinking before you speak and pondering the whole picture before you react.  Waterproofing your emotions is an adult action that allows you to maintain adult behavior and composure.  Your emotions are yours and are not necessarily anyone else’s business.  Just because you are feeling something does not mean you have to share it.  Practice not allowing other people’s opinions or words to seep deep into your soul. Other people can have differing opinions but that does not make your opinions wrong. Other people have a right to voice or express themselves even if they are rude.  You can use your voice to say, “I find that statement offensive (or rude).”  That is different than allowing your anger to spike and spew out emotional words like, “I can’t believe you are so damn insensitive.”  The first statement takes ownership and uses an “I” statement.  “I find that statement offensive is a fact.  It is neither a feeling nor really a judgment.  To call someone insensitive is name calling and judgmental.  Use some XYLASTIC protectionto mediate difficult situations and conversations.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:WEAN

Nurturing Mother Knows How to Wean

WEAN

Now that you have given yourself permission to celebrate your Victories, it is time to focus on feeding yourself rather than continuing to be fed.  In one context WEAN means to cut back on relying on mother’s milk and adding some sustaining adult food to the program.  That requires that you WEAN yourself.  You cut back on how you have been relying on other’s advice, presence, and time and you take responsibility toward being the CEO of your life.  I am not suggesting that you become an island to yourself as that would prevent inter-dependence, and a healthy self is interdependent on those around them.  Inter-dependence is a give and take relationship, but dependence is often one sided and becomes very tiring to the person you are always “needy” of.  You are an adult and you can take the responsibility to be an adult in situations that often make you feel like you are going to crumble.  What situation or situations in your life are you relying on someone else’s opinion, money, resources, advice or approval in order for you to feel okay about yourself?  How can you start taking baby steps to WEAN yourself from being so reliant on others and act more self-reliant?  WEAN yourself away not only from others but also from credit card debt, overeating, addictive behavior, and laziness.  Those are all habits that we can easily find ourselves in, so it is important to start cutting back today and adding steps of personal responsibility.

YOUR LIFE TO A-Z: VICTORY

VICTORY IS BEING YOUR BEST SELF

VICTORY

VICTORY is defined as an act of defeating an opponent or defeating a competitor.  The Twenty Minute Coach has over 120 blogged words at this time.  If you go back and look at them you will happily discover that you have put into action many of the words by applying the suggested steps.  It is usually a good idea to review where you have been so that you can re-define where you go from here.  But more importantly, it is essential to celebrate your VICTORY.  These past few words have been very action orientated such as Rigorous, Task, Simplify and Unilateral.  All of them require applied action steps.  Examine your successes.  Be blatantly honest with yourself.  Do not focus on any of your so-called failures right now, only focus on your successes and improvements.  Remember you are not looking for all or nothing; you are looking for well-measured steps to your goal.  What VICTORIES can you list right now?  List at least three VICTORIES.  Then enhance it to five and then stretch the list to seven.  You have VICTORY.  You have just been programmed and socialized to focus on your imperfections and failures and often told that celebrating a VICTORY will make you vain.  That is not true.  Celebrating your VICTORY will pump you up and make you want more VICTORY in your life.  You will look for ways to compete with yourself and others to have the opportunity to celebrate VICTORY.  Have a VICTORY party for yourself.  Celebrate your VICTORIES weekly.  Enjoy. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: UNILATERAL

BE THE KING OF YOUR STUMP!

UNILATERAL

UNILATERAL is making a decision or plan in your own best interest or it can apply to a group of people making a UNILATERAL decision or action for the best interest of the group.  For instance, if you are president of a board and an executive decision must be made immediately, your power as president allows you to make a UNILATERAL decision in the best interest of the board for the time being.  The same applies to your personal life. Now how many things in your life are you waiting for someone else to decide for you? Or are you waiting on someone else to choose first?  Do you have unfinished business that you feel needs to be attended to and you are still waiting to for someone else to get back to you?  Take a strong look at what needs to be accomplished “now” and take back your UNILATERAL power of choice.  You are the person where the buck stops and you have no one to blame if your life is not where you want it to be.  Practice this simple but uncomfortable exercise to develop a sense of acting UNILATTERALLY.  Decide what you want to eat and make food choices for yourself.  Choosing what you want to eat is often a UNILATERAL choice you delegate to others. For instance, how often do you follow other people’s food choices rather than using your voice to ask for what you want to eat?  Do not remain silent when you want Chinese food and others want pizza.  Get my point?