Getting to Your Yes: Regardless of the Issue

It is time for an Emotional Health Check-Up!

Do you need an Emotional-Health Check-Up?


Medical and dental offices always are reminding you that it is time for your annual check-up whether that is your annual physical, annual mammogram, annual Pap smear, prostate, or colonoscopy. Medical doctors see a need to snoop around in your body and make sure that those things we cannot see with our naked eye are still in proper and healthy working order. Dentists do the same thing. For people like me that hate to floss, dentists want me to clean my teeth with a hygienist every three months. My accountant wants to take an annual look at my taxes and if I had a financial advisor he/she would want to sit down with me once a year, and my attorney wants to make sure my will is up to date.

So, what about your mental health? What if we changed the term from mental health to emotional health? Is the word emotional health, more palatable to you? Or have you been raised to believe that the only way to be in life is stoic, non-emotional. Or, do you think if you use a coach or psychotherapist that you are weak? Why is it shameful to make an appointment get an annual “how’s my life” check-up? It usually feels better to talk about what is going on in your life, what hurts, what is working, what you want to make different this year? Why is that you have to wait until the emotional hurt is a full blown bleed that needs a triple by-pass on your anxiety, depression, and adjustment scales before you take better care of yourself?

I would like to offer you a different way of looking at your mental health. I would like you to take a moment and challenge your thinking. If you are wondering if this is all there is or if you are wishing that life were just a bit more interesting, then perhaps you are settling for the status quo of the day-to-day humdrum. When one day of humdrum leads to another day of humdrum then you are likely to become humdrum yourself. Who wants to humdrum? However if the word dynamic or vibrant just do not appeal to you perhaps you are more than humdrum, perhaps you are depressed. Who does not want to vibrant, to squeeze every positive moment and encounter out of life that they can?

There are several ways to think about your emotional well –being. Here is a checklist of five. If you check three out of five it might be time for you to call a psychotherapist, coach, or psychologists and see what is happening beneath your happiness bar.

1. Do you worry about the things that you have no control over? For instance, do you worry about “what-if” I am laid off from my job rather than having a plan B in case you do?

2. Are you more argumentative or negative than usual?

3. Are you more indecisive than usual, even down to where you can’t decide to what to wear or eat?

4. Do you find yourself daydreaming about what you wish your life were like?

5. Do you feel a sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction?

If you find these questions thought provoking, perhaps it is time to call me or someone else, sit down and have a discussion with them about what is going on with your life. Also, there are various psychological tests available to help you and your therapist figure out what might be percolating underneath the surface. Sometimes, emotional health determinates so slowly we don’t even notice that our life is changing negatively. Testing is a good way to obtain a fair and objective read about what is going on with you.

My challenge is that you make your emotional health a priority on a day –to- day basis. You count.

Learning to be Grateful- Reflections from a Vacation

Today I got up, dressed, bought a Pike’s Place Market Starbucks in Waikiki and pretended to walk at a clip on the beach walk. It was about 5:30 a.m. and I soon noticed the homeless people asleep on water front benches. With some embarrassment my first thought was, “Wow, what a wonderful view and peaceful sounds to awaken you in the early morning.” I immediately checked myself and said, “Dilley, what are you thinking. You slept in a comfortable bed and you will have a warm shower, an indoor toilet, and gastronomical delights throughout this trip. They on the other hand will most likely wake up stiff and sore, wonder where their food will come from today and search the beach for a public restroom at best. Homeless people have always intrigued me. I know there are many sides of the debate. Maybe they did not make the best choices. Perhaps, they were raped, beaten, tortured as children and grew up to survive as society’s outcast; those you look away from. How long would I last if my life went belly up and I had nowhere to turn and no way to make a living? Look at all the things that I have to be thankful for in this simple paragraph:

I woke up. I was able to move. I was able to see, dress myself in comfortable clothes and walk in comfortable clothes. I had money to buy Starbucks, eyes to see, ears to hear, and hands to hold my cup. I have taste buds and can enjoy the aroma and miracle of the sensation of coffee filling up my mouth and awakening my tired body and mind. Yes, I am still of sound mind. I have fingers to type and a spell check to help me out with typo’s and words too difficult to remember. I will return to a loving partner, a viable psychotherapy practice, and more comforts than many people in America.

Other people woke up today. Some of them on the cliffs of Santa Monica and others awakened in the slums of India. Some did not wake up today. Many woke up in hospital rooms other’s awakened to the anxiety of their friend or family who are sick or injured in hospital rooms. What to do with the dilemmas of inequity is the question?

The answer, notice and be grateful. It will make your day a better day.

Dr. Robin Dilley, PhD
Psychotherapist, Author and Speaker

"In A Moment's Notice"


"may you awaken those parts of you that have fallen
the parts of you that are thirsty, and discover anew the magic of growing."