Lessons From the Life of Pi

Lessons from the Life of Pi:

There are many lessons throughout this wonderfully complex movie …too many to write about in today’s newsletter.  Some of those lessons I will be blogging about at www.blogsot.com/drdilley.
However, if you have not watched the movie, please do so and focus (for the purpose of this article) on the part of the movie where Pi trains Richard Parker.  (Richard Parker is the tiger’s name.)
In this segment of the movie a lot of lessons have already been learned by Pi, especially a really important, but perhaps harsh lesson (sometimes in life we need a bit of harshness to get the point).  That lesson was:  tigers are tigers and they are carnivores.  They will eat you.
Pi’s father taught him that lesson when Pi was very young and he was getting ready to feed the tiger by hand.  For those of you who are parents, think about how quickly you react when your young child runs out into the middle of oncoming traffic.  A good parent does not say, “Now Jimmy or Susie, don’t do that.”  A good parent grabs the child from the middle of the intersection and proceeds to find a way to express how dangerous that action was and insist it never ever happen again.
Pi learned that lesson and it came in very handy when he was in the middle of the ocean for days, if not weeks, on the same boat as Richard Parker.  Pi was clearly intimidated and afraid and spends most of his time on a very poorly made raft, keeping a safe distance from Richard Parker.  Richard Parker on the other hand enjoyed the boat, with shade and lots of space.
This raises the therapeutic question,  “What are you doing on the raft when your fear is ruling you from the much more comfortable life boat?”
Finally, when Pi became more and more uncomfortable on the raft, he decided it was time to train Richard Parker.  The battle between human and beast - or you and your fear - begins.
In the beginning, the training did not go well and Richard Parker maintained control of the lifeboat.  But one day, Pi decided that perhaps it was a good idea to make Richard Parker seasick.  The next few scenes are a brilliant display of Pi rocking Richard Parker’s luxurious lifeboat while using the gentleness of the whistle to comfort Richard Parker.   The whistle created interest in Richard Parker and he began to pay attention to the whistle.  From that point on, Richard Parker and Pi created a safe dance between the two of them and they were able to co-exist with mutual respect and awareness; they needed each other.

Who is Richard Parker (fear) in your life?
How is Richard Parker taking over your life and your comfort zone?
How can you begin to train your fear to be under the trance of your whistle in order for you and your fear can co-exist?

Perhaps your fear will never go away or perhaps one day it will walk away in respect to your needs, as Richard Parker left Pi lying on the beach.  But none the less, for now your fear is like Richard Parker, an untamed tiger that needs to be trained in order for you to move forward in your life.  I invite you to write about you and your relationship to your fear pretending your fear is a wild beast that if given a chance will eat you alive.  See what comes up for you.

If you want to explore this metaphor more fully, you can email at drdilley@psycyhcotherapyunlimted.com to make an appointment to explore what this movie can do for you.

Anger that Does Not Turn Into Depression

Learning from Ancient Stories

The Story of  Determination:  Anger that does not turn Into Depression

 

Demeter is a Greek Goddess.  She is the Goddess of grain and harvest.  There are many stories about her and her daughter Persephone.   This ancient story finds it roots as far back as the seventh century BC, existing long before the deification of the Judeo-Christian story of the Father-Son.  In the beginning of this Greek story the mother and the daughter are one and as the years pass they become two separate entities.  

 

One story, the least familiar is about Persephone feeling called to the underground to help the dead rejuvenate and bring life to the people above ground.  This story resonates to the degree that we must leave our mothers to become adults.  It also resonates to the degree that Demeter goes through this empty-nest syndrome while Persephone is underground. 

 

However, the story that is most familiar and perhaps the one that you have heard is the story where Hades the God of the Underworld abducts Persephone. This abduction sends Demeter, Persephone’s mother into a plan of action.  In many versions of this story it says that Demeter suffered from a major depression and she would no longer tend to the planting of grain.  The earth became barren. 

 

We use to say in psychology that depression is anger turned inward.  Perhaps there is a tad of that in Demeter’s story.  Perhaps Demeter regretted letting Persephone run off and play.  But, rather than wallow in mother guilt, she does something about her situation.   She just refuses to plant grain.  I see it as a position of strength and determination, qualities that every mother needs.  Qualities that we need to harvest within our own self.    

 

The Greek people needed to eat.   Zeus, the chief God at that time and Demeter’s husband saw the abduction take place from Mt. Olympus.  When it was obvious to him that Demeter was on strike until Persephone was returned, Zeus requested that Hades return Persephone to her mother.  Then of course, as in every story there is a twist of fate. 

 

The story goes that Persephone refused to eat in the underground because she wanted to be returned to her mother.   When Zeus demanded that Persephone be returned, Hades tempted her with a pomegranate as a way of saying goodbye.  Persephone young and innocent did not understand the rules of the underground and she ate six pomegranate seeds.   As a result she belonged to the underground.  There are other versions of this part of the story too.

 

However, Zeus and Hades made a deal that Persephone could come above ground six months out of the year and thus we have our four seasons.  Spring and summer when things are blooming and growing and fall and winter where things are withdrawing and dying.  Life of spring sustains us through the dark cold months of fall and winter.  There is much to be learned by us as we take our own journey’s to find our compassionate mother within.   

 

There is a short video I found online about this story.  The video closes with “I am telling you that should anything ever happen to you I will bend the laws of life and death to retrieve you. I love you.”  Demeter.

 

That is the story of the Compassionate Mother.  She is within you.  You are one with her and now you are awakening your consciousness to her, in order that you discover such an inner unrequited compassion for yourself.

 

 

 

Robin B. Dilley, Ph.D.

C/R www.psychotherapyunlimited.com

The Compass of Shame

The Compass of Shame


The compass of shame was created by Donald Nathanson to help clinicians and clients understand what happens when shame is encountered. Dr. Nathanson defines shame as the interruption of positive affect. That simplistic view makes it easy for me to help clients understand that when they are going about the business of their daily life, enjoying the day, and anything that interrupts that enjoyment or interest, causes shame. I am putting the compass of shame on the blog today because almost every article I have written on shame refers to this compass in one way or another. As, a result I can keep referring people to the blog on June 23rd, 2011 and not have to recreate this simple formula for each article.

According to the Compass of Shame, what do we do when we experience shame? We react in one of four ways, usually a blend of the four reactions. They are:

ATTACK SELF--- ( SELF-DISGUST AND SELF-DISMELL AFFECT)
Demonstrated by:
Shyness

Deference

Masochistic Behaviors

AVOID----(EXCITEMENT-FEAR AFFECT)

The sense of a defective self - that often leads of addictive behavior

Compares and competes

Creates false self

WITHDRAWAL---(DISTRESS -FEAR AFFECT)

Atypical depression (self-hatred root)

Becomes overwhelmed by excessive worry or flooding of memories

Avoids eye contact and isolates socially

ATTACK OTHERS--- (ANGER-RAGE AFFECT)

Blocks any attempt to look at self

Estranges others

Refines the “power over” theme