YOUR LIFE A-Z:LOVE

Don't Let Love be an Illusion

LOVE

Wow the TWENTY-MINUTE Coach made it almost to the end of the year without using this word LOVE.  As Tina Turner sings, “What does LOVE have to do with it?”  LOVE is considered an action verb but is often referred to as a state of being.  For instance,  “I am in LOVE.”  LOVE comes up during the holiday season because LOVE is the assumed connection that brings family and friends together.  However, if the holiday season was not over-commercialized what would you choose to do with this time of year?  Who would you choose to invite to your holiday table if you did not feel like you should?  Who would you buy gifts for if you did not have too?  The definition of LOVE implies deep affection, endearment, and fondness.  What prevents you from feeling those feelings from those you choose to be around for the holiday?  If resentment, judgment and uncomfortable emotions hinder you from really LOVING those around you during this time of year, why not let go of those negative emotions and replace those emotions with LOVE.   Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has personal pain in his/her life even if they choose not to acknowledge it.  Difficult emotions are shunned in our society.  It is time to quit denying those difficult emotions and allow yourself to explore them in order that you can be emotionally free to really LOVE.  LOVE and the actions of LOVE are best practiced with a genuine heart of fondness.  Let go and learn to LOVE this holiday season.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: WHY

SOMETIMES THERE IS NO BOTTOM IN THE BUCKET YOU NEED

WHY

WHY is a very interesting three-letter word.  WHY is often a three-letter drug.  Often you seek answers to WHY something is happening assuming if  you could know WHY then you could control or change the outcome.  Insight as to WHY something is happening is sometimes helpful but not necessarily useful.  When you understand the WHY of something it does not necessarily help you change it.  Thus, don’t spend unnecessarily energy fretting about something when you could be best be served by changing your actions or behavior even when you  don’t understand WHY.   However, if you can let go of the addiction of always having to understand the WHY,  it frees you up to explore what you going to do about something. What action needs to be taken is more useful than the WHY.   WHY the car crashed may be useful in the long run but what needs to be done about the car crash is the first question that needs to be asked.  WHY is important to ask after the emergency has been handled.  WHY is important in this case only to learn from it.  WHY is a useless question if you are hammering your fist through the wall asking WHY God allowed this to happen.  WHY you are sick may be useful question after you have begun to heal, but it is not the first question to ask when you are sick.  When you hear yourself asking WHY listen closely and ask yourself, “Is this WHY question making me a victim?” 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: THINK

WHAT IS THIS? 

THINK

Learning to THINK and THINK for oneself is not something that is taught at a critical level until high school or college.  THINKING is something that should be taught from the time we become verbal.  There are two main types of THINKING, analytical and critical.  Analytical THINKING explores the cause and effect of something by looking at it through multiple perspectives or lenses.  Critical THINKING is evaluative THINKING about information.  When you are hearing information about a political or religious position it is important to THINK about what you are hearing and deciding for yourself how to interpret the information.  People of power such as politicians and religious institutions or for that matter the advertising industry present information with a bias for his/her own benefit.   A critical THINKER has to learn to ask important questions like: who, where, when, what, why, and how.  Who is going to benefit and how?  Who will be hurt and how?  Why will the budget benefit or be cut?  Where is the evidence supporting the information?  THINK.  Always THINK.  THINK about your budget, your health, your relationship, and your position on important issues. When presented with new information or ideas re-THINK your position.  Learn to be flexible.  Learn to THINK ahead.  Learn to THINK and analyze situations before making major decisions or little ones for that matter. For instance, if you stop buying impulsively, how much money will you save for a vacation?  THINK before you act or speak.  THINK things all the way through from the beginning to the end. 

YOUR LIFE A-Z: LEARN

LEARN TO FISH FOR A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

LEARN

It is never too late for this important word.  It has been proven that people who choose to discover interesting things to LEARN all throughout his/her lifespan are happier, healthier and keep the brain engaged building new pathways.   New pathways in the brain require the brain to use its plasticity that it is biologically wired to do which can help keep dementia and Alzheimer’s disease at bay.  But more importantly than that LEARNING something new keeps boredom at bay.  Boredom leads to overeating, laziness, too much drinking, and other brain dulling activities until one day you wake up and say,  “OMG, I am a coach potato.”   In this fast paced very technological society that you live in, you have many opportunities at your fingertips to LEARN something new everyday.  Crossword puzzles become more animated by playing the game words with friends which keeps the brain working and engaged.  However, to LEARN something new such as a new language, how to play a musical instrument, or a new sport can be intimidating.  That is normal for everyone so don't let emotional intimidation keep you in the corner of life.  Don’t compare yourself to others and his/her abilities.  Focus on your self and choose to LEARN something new that will be a bit intimidating.  It will be a good challenge for your self-esteem to get a workout too, while you LEARN.   Enjoy the fact that you are able to LEARN and let yourself explore many opportunities to LEARN.  Even LEARN to cook a new recipe for dinner.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: CONQUEST

IN THE MIDST OF A STORM BE CAREFREE

CONQUEST

Yes, conquests are important in life.  We need to learn to conquer the things that bother us, worry us, or bring us down.  Sometimes the best way to do that is through acceptance.  Peaceful acceptance sometimes stops the worry when we realize there is nothing we can do to change or control a situation.  That acceptance is probably the most difficult thing you have had to do in your life.  Accepting a child’s choices that are not in his/her best interest is a conquest more painful than probably than any other.  Learning that you cannot control your adult child’s drug or alcohol use is a painful conquering and not one that parents easily accept.  You know there is an acceptance when you feel a sense of inner peace inside of yourself that you have not experienced.  Then you have fully practiced the definition of conquests: the control, defeat, or overthrow of that which is invading you.  The conquest to acceptance requires energy, it does not happen by passivity.  It is defined, direct, and destined to create a place of peace in your heart and life where you can not imagine it being.  Also, conquests requires repetition.  Repetition of the same behaviors, attitudes, and actions that continue to make room for a peaceful place inside, in the midst of emotional pain.  Acceptance is the ammunition required to conquer all that matters to us so that we can live abundantly peaceful lives regardless of the chaos and pain around us.