YOUR LIFE A-Z: ZESTFUL

ZESTFUL

ZESTFUL means having a spirited love of life.  Isn’t it awesome that our advent list ends with this powerful word for this CHRISTMAS day? (If you are wondering how we went through 26 letters in 25 days, it is because Advent began on November 30, which made a perfect ending to this A-Z for the holiday.) Today, have a ZESTFUL day.  From the early morning hours of opening presents to the late Christmas dinners celebrate each other.  Be spirited about connecting with those around you and add ZEST to each encounter, making someone else’s Christmas experience brighter.  If you are alone today, this is your opportunity to practice ZESTFULNESS to others.  Get over yourself and get out.  Take water to the homeless or go to a movie and be ZESTFUL with gratitude that you can get out and enjoy your Christmas day.  If you are homebound then call someone and wish him/her a Merry Christmas.  Today is not a day to sit around and feel sorry for your situation.  Today is a day to bring ZEST and to be ZESTFUL.   Use today to make a positive difference in the life of each person you come in contact with.  Practice having a spirited love of life and let your ZESTFULNESS become contagious.  You do make a difference in the lives of all of those around you and you get to choose whether that difference is positive or negative.  Seems like practicing ZESTFUL interactions will make your Christmas day more meaningful.  So with that I wish you a ZESTFUL day of spirited living.  Merry Christmas.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:LOVE

Don't Let Love be an Illusion

LOVE

Wow the TWENTY-MINUTE Coach made it almost to the end of the year without using this word LOVE.  As Tina Turner sings, “What does LOVE have to do with it?”  LOVE is considered an action verb but is often referred to as a state of being.  For instance,  “I am in LOVE.”  LOVE comes up during the holiday season because LOVE is the assumed connection that brings family and friends together.  However, if the holiday season was not over-commercialized what would you choose to do with this time of year?  Who would you choose to invite to your holiday table if you did not feel like you should?  Who would you buy gifts for if you did not have too?  The definition of LOVE implies deep affection, endearment, and fondness.  What prevents you from feeling those feelings from those you choose to be around for the holiday?  If resentment, judgment and uncomfortable emotions hinder you from really LOVING those around you during this time of year, why not let go of those negative emotions and replace those emotions with LOVE.   Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has personal pain in his/her life even if they choose not to acknowledge it.  Difficult emotions are shunned in our society.  It is time to quit denying those difficult emotions and allow yourself to explore them in order that you can be emotionally free to really LOVE.  LOVE and the actions of LOVE are best practiced with a genuine heart of fondness.  Let go and learn to LOVE this holiday season.

YOUR LIFE A-Z NEED

LIFE NEEDS LIGHT TO GROW

NEED

Before we start down this road of exploration, it is important to pay attention to what your body experiences when you read this "N" word.  Do you experience a negative sensation in your body?  Do judgements rush to the foreground of your mind?  It is important to explore your judgements, ideas, and feeling about the word NEED.  What are your needs?  Can you say them out loud?  List three really specific needs. For instance, say "I need to feel loved."  What does that look like, feel like, and what actions are required for you to know you are loved?  Is it financial security?  Think about that. If financial security is a necessity for you to experience feeling loved, then what happens to your feeling of love if circumstances drastically change and your partner can no longer provide for you?  Or what happens to your self-love if your financial situation changes?  Do you trash yourself or do you just flat-out pretend you don't need anything?  How does that work for you?  To not admit that you need anything is a very sad position to live in because it essentially means you are not willing to risk anything.  In one sense it is such a guarded position that is a very selfish position. One of the roots of selfishness is protection or defence, and to not acknowledge your needs.  If you are thirsty and need water what do you do?  Do you go get a drink of water or do you expect someone else to bring you water?  The answer to that question tells you a lot about yourself.  Learn to be bold with what you need?

YOUR LIFE A-Z:NURTURE

NURTURE

Nurture is absolutely essential to growth.  If you just throw something out into the world and do nothing to provide a stable and supportive environment for growth, then not much is going to happen.  Nurturing is a fundamental necessity to attain our hearts desires.  Sometimes a “victim identity” keep us in ruts of “poor me,” “I can’t do what Iwant to do because I am not as fortunate as others.” That way of thinking is lazy thinking.  If you want something then it is important to work for it.  Nothing just happens.  Even those that win the lottery statistically lose it all within a few short years.  It is our inner attitude, our psychological scripts that are just as powerful as our DNA.  They must consistently be nurtured in positive, generous, and supportive ways for our being to let go and allow us tobelieve that change is possible for everyone including, You.

List three things you want to change.  Choose the most important one and create an action plan of three steps each to execute the plan.  For instance, I want to eat healthier.  What am I willing to do now, to start?  (3 things)

1.

Throw away all the crap food in my pantry.  When?  Today after dinner, I will spend twenty minutes going through my pantry and tossing empty calories.  

2.

Prepare healthy lunches for myself at work.  When?  Sunday after I grocery shop with my (3.) new list of healthy lunches.

3.

I will create a new list of healthy lunches this Saturday at 10:00 a.m.

Ok, under each of those listed above, you will need a three-step plan to execute your action positively.  The nurture part is the action of doing positive actions on your behalf.  You can add positive music in the background while you do this list.  You can drink a nice cup of green tea, and/or you can buy some fresh flowers to support your environment as you begin the action of nurturing change.  

General Apathy

I was reading the introductory paragraph to my blog this morning and saw that I used the word general apathy.  I often tell my clients that wanting life to be exciting and an adventure all of the time is unrealistic and often thrill seeking is an addiction.  However, this morning I ran across an article on my Face Book (you can follow me there at www.facebook.com/inamomentsnotice.) by Andrea Balt written on July 31, 2013.  It was her 30th birthday and the title of the article is, 30 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Die.  It was published on nextadventure.org if you want to find the entire article.   I found her article to be very thoughtful, so much so that I wanted to use it on my blog to help you deal with general apathy.  It is so easy to fall  into apathy that often times we find ourselves living in it rather than visiting it from time to time.
The first three questions real like this:  How much have you loved?  What do you love doing that you are not doing? What person or type of person would you choose as a life companion?

Perhaps the first question answers the third question.  Le's talk about how much have you loved?   What type of person are you?  Are you generous with your love or do you withhold love until other people prove their love?  What is love? What is the difference between love and compassion?  It is interesting that one question leads to several other questions.  And perhaps one answer to waking up from apathy is to keep asking yourself questions and let the answers evolve from within.  For instance,  if you have never really loved then you live in a protective shell that keeps you from sharing your self with others.  In affect psychology we call often call that protective shell,  shame.  Shame is a biological system within that gets triggered easily and then interrupts our positive experiences and our positive actions.  As a result, shame hinders us from loving ourselves and others.  Yes, that is not a typo nor incorrect grammar,  we have many selves.  That is why our lives are very complex and in that complexity it is often hard to get ourselves to work together in our best interest.

Which part of you is preventing you from loving enough?  If you have loved then you have been hurt by love because the two go hand in hand.  You cannot love and expect never to be hurt.  The people we love are the ones closest to us and thus the ones that are capable of doing the most hurt.   You can think of love as a boot camp for personal growth.  The more you love the more opportunity avails itself for you to be hurt, but the flip side o that is the more opportunity for you to be thrilled with the companionship of life full of a significant other, friends, family, and colleagues who truly do love you and you love them.  It is hard to remain apathetic when you love.  Also, realize love is more than a feeling, it is a choice.  We choose to love and we choose who we love.  Love may feel like something that happens and then you may falsely assume that when you don't feel that "love" anymore you are no longer in love.  Loving and being in love are dances to the same song.  Sometimes you don't feel it but you choose it and other times you do feel it and can't imagine not feeling this way.  

So, the first question, "how much have you loved?"  is worthy of true introspection and a few more blogs on the topic.  Until next time, pledge to love enough and see how it changes your daily life.  Dr. D.