General Apathy

I was reading the introductory paragraph to my blog this morning and saw that I used the word general apathy.  I often tell my clients that wanting life to be exciting and an adventure all of the time is unrealistic and often thrill seeking is an addiction.  However, this morning I ran across an article on my Face Book (you can follow me there at www.facebook.com/inamomentsnotice.) by Andrea Balt written on July 31, 2013.  It was her 30th birthday and the title of the article is, 30 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Die.  It was published on nextadventure.org if you want to find the entire article.   I found her article to be very thoughtful, so much so that I wanted to use it on my blog to help you deal with general apathy.  It is so easy to fall  into apathy that often times we find ourselves living in it rather than visiting it from time to time.
The first three questions real like this:  How much have you loved?  What do you love doing that you are not doing? What person or type of person would you choose as a life companion?

Perhaps the first question answers the third question.  Le's talk about how much have you loved?   What type of person are you?  Are you generous with your love or do you withhold love until other people prove their love?  What is love? What is the difference between love and compassion?  It is interesting that one question leads to several other questions.  And perhaps one answer to waking up from apathy is to keep asking yourself questions and let the answers evolve from within.  For instance,  if you have never really loved then you live in a protective shell that keeps you from sharing your self with others.  In affect psychology we call often call that protective shell,  shame.  Shame is a biological system within that gets triggered easily and then interrupts our positive experiences and our positive actions.  As a result, shame hinders us from loving ourselves and others.  Yes, that is not a typo nor incorrect grammar,  we have many selves.  That is why our lives are very complex and in that complexity it is often hard to get ourselves to work together in our best interest.

Which part of you is preventing you from loving enough?  If you have loved then you have been hurt by love because the two go hand in hand.  You cannot love and expect never to be hurt.  The people we love are the ones closest to us and thus the ones that are capable of doing the most hurt.   You can think of love as a boot camp for personal growth.  The more you love the more opportunity avails itself for you to be hurt, but the flip side o that is the more opportunity for you to be thrilled with the companionship of life full of a significant other, friends, family, and colleagues who truly do love you and you love them.  It is hard to remain apathetic when you love.  Also, realize love is more than a feeling, it is a choice.  We choose to love and we choose who we love.  Love may feel like something that happens and then you may falsely assume that when you don't feel that "love" anymore you are no longer in love.  Loving and being in love are dances to the same song.  Sometimes you don't feel it but you choose it and other times you do feel it and can't imagine not feeling this way.  

So, the first question, "how much have you loved?"  is worthy of true introspection and a few more blogs on the topic.  Until next time, pledge to love enough and see how it changes your daily life.  Dr. D.

Lessons From the Life of Pi

Lessons from the Life of Pi:

There are many lessons throughout this wonderfully complex movie …too many to write about in today’s newsletter.  Some of those lessons I will be blogging about at www.blogsot.com/drdilley.
However, if you have not watched the movie, please do so and focus (for the purpose of this article) on the part of the movie where Pi trains Richard Parker.  (Richard Parker is the tiger’s name.)
In this segment of the movie a lot of lessons have already been learned by Pi, especially a really important, but perhaps harsh lesson (sometimes in life we need a bit of harshness to get the point).  That lesson was:  tigers are tigers and they are carnivores.  They will eat you.
Pi’s father taught him that lesson when Pi was very young and he was getting ready to feed the tiger by hand.  For those of you who are parents, think about how quickly you react when your young child runs out into the middle of oncoming traffic.  A good parent does not say, “Now Jimmy or Susie, don’t do that.”  A good parent grabs the child from the middle of the intersection and proceeds to find a way to express how dangerous that action was and insist it never ever happen again.
Pi learned that lesson and it came in very handy when he was in the middle of the ocean for days, if not weeks, on the same boat as Richard Parker.  Pi was clearly intimidated and afraid and spends most of his time on a very poorly made raft, keeping a safe distance from Richard Parker.  Richard Parker on the other hand enjoyed the boat, with shade and lots of space.
This raises the therapeutic question,  “What are you doing on the raft when your fear is ruling you from the much more comfortable life boat?”
Finally, when Pi became more and more uncomfortable on the raft, he decided it was time to train Richard Parker.  The battle between human and beast - or you and your fear - begins.
In the beginning, the training did not go well and Richard Parker maintained control of the lifeboat.  But one day, Pi decided that perhaps it was a good idea to make Richard Parker seasick.  The next few scenes are a brilliant display of Pi rocking Richard Parker’s luxurious lifeboat while using the gentleness of the whistle to comfort Richard Parker.   The whistle created interest in Richard Parker and he began to pay attention to the whistle.  From that point on, Richard Parker and Pi created a safe dance between the two of them and they were able to co-exist with mutual respect and awareness; they needed each other.

Who is Richard Parker (fear) in your life?
How is Richard Parker taking over your life and your comfort zone?
How can you begin to train your fear to be under the trance of your whistle in order for you and your fear can co-exist?

Perhaps your fear will never go away or perhaps one day it will walk away in respect to your needs, as Richard Parker left Pi lying on the beach.  But none the less, for now your fear is like Richard Parker, an untamed tiger that needs to be trained in order for you to move forward in your life.  I invite you to write about you and your relationship to your fear pretending your fear is a wild beast that if given a chance will eat you alive.  See what comes up for you.

If you want to explore this metaphor more fully, you can email at drdilley@psycyhcotherapyunlimted.com to make an appointment to explore what this movie can do for you.

Anger that Does Not Turn Into Depression

Learning from Ancient Stories

The Story of  Determination:  Anger that does not turn Into Depression

 

Demeter is a Greek Goddess.  She is the Goddess of grain and harvest.  There are many stories about her and her daughter Persephone.   This ancient story finds it roots as far back as the seventh century BC, existing long before the deification of the Judeo-Christian story of the Father-Son.  In the beginning of this Greek story the mother and the daughter are one and as the years pass they become two separate entities.  

 

One story, the least familiar is about Persephone feeling called to the underground to help the dead rejuvenate and bring life to the people above ground.  This story resonates to the degree that we must leave our mothers to become adults.  It also resonates to the degree that Demeter goes through this empty-nest syndrome while Persephone is underground. 

 

However, the story that is most familiar and perhaps the one that you have heard is the story where Hades the God of the Underworld abducts Persephone. This abduction sends Demeter, Persephone’s mother into a plan of action.  In many versions of this story it says that Demeter suffered from a major depression and she would no longer tend to the planting of grain.  The earth became barren. 

 

We use to say in psychology that depression is anger turned inward.  Perhaps there is a tad of that in Demeter’s story.  Perhaps Demeter regretted letting Persephone run off and play.  But, rather than wallow in mother guilt, she does something about her situation.   She just refuses to plant grain.  I see it as a position of strength and determination, qualities that every mother needs.  Qualities that we need to harvest within our own self.    

 

The Greek people needed to eat.   Zeus, the chief God at that time and Demeter’s husband saw the abduction take place from Mt. Olympus.  When it was obvious to him that Demeter was on strike until Persephone was returned, Zeus requested that Hades return Persephone to her mother.  Then of course, as in every story there is a twist of fate. 

 

The story goes that Persephone refused to eat in the underground because she wanted to be returned to her mother.   When Zeus demanded that Persephone be returned, Hades tempted her with a pomegranate as a way of saying goodbye.  Persephone young and innocent did not understand the rules of the underground and she ate six pomegranate seeds.   As a result she belonged to the underground.  There are other versions of this part of the story too.

 

However, Zeus and Hades made a deal that Persephone could come above ground six months out of the year and thus we have our four seasons.  Spring and summer when things are blooming and growing and fall and winter where things are withdrawing and dying.  Life of spring sustains us through the dark cold months of fall and winter.  There is much to be learned by us as we take our own journey’s to find our compassionate mother within.   

 

There is a short video I found online about this story.  The video closes with “I am telling you that should anything ever happen to you I will bend the laws of life and death to retrieve you. I love you.”  Demeter.

 

That is the story of the Compassionate Mother.  She is within you.  You are one with her and now you are awakening your consciousness to her, in order that you discover such an inner unrequited compassion for yourself.

 

 

 

Robin B. Dilley, Ph.D.

C/R www.psychotherapyunlimited.com

Discover the Wisdom of Compassion

Restore the Compassionate Mother Workshop

Discover the Compassionate Mother Within

Sophia is Divine Wisdom.  There are many references to her but her voice of wisdom was silenced by patriarchy in the early years of Christianity as the Divine feminine was swallowed up by male dominance and logic.  As a result the voice of wisdom is overpowered by the voice of rationale and disembodied logic. 

“You of the whirling wings, 
circling, encompassing energy of God: 
you quicken the world in your clasp.

One wing soars in heaven, 
one wing sweeps the earth,
and the third flies all around us.

Praise to Sophia!
Let all the earth praise her!”

-Hildegard of Bingen

            Hildegard (10989-1179) also known as Sybyl of the Rhine was a German writer, composter, philosopher and Christian Mystic at a time when women were not allowed to move forward in the careers or avocations. 

Introducing Wisdom, Sophia

Most of us have grown up in a very patriarchal society and have been confused about our roles whether we are men or women. Many men came from families where the mother seemed to be the wisest, smartest, and practical of the two parent family but because of some invisible rule that as a child you could not decipher things always went dad’s way. Often you suffered from lack of enough money for food or school clothes because dad would squander it away gambling or drinking. As women, sometimes our experience was watching our mother’s serve our fathers just because of some sort of invisible hierarchy. It was easy to fall into social hypnosis where children of the 50’s, 60’s and even in the 70’s where men were viewed as better than women. Of course, there is plenty going on in our world around us that still echoes a long overrated patriarchy.

Discovering the Compassionate Mother Within is about finding the ancient voice of inner wisdom that comes from a divine feminine energy of Sophia, the wisdom of God, which is portrayed as female. Often because there are too many mixed messages from our past about who we are and who we are supposed to be that is so hard to discover our own inner voice. By using meditation and reflection to sit with Sophia, the wisdom of God we are able to extrapolate into a sacred space within us where a whole host of positive empowering energy exists that has long been buried.

Discovering wisdom is the first step to letting go of old lies that no longer serve us.

For instance, why do you believe you are not good enough? How does that serve you to malinger in a lie that keeps you from enjoying the best part of your life, this day you have. You are tied to some invisible or maybe even visible loyalty that you heard from a sibling, parent, grandparent or teacher or something you created because no one gave you a beautiful perspective of you.

Imagine that Sophia hears you say, “I am just not good enough.” As a Compassionate Mother she might say any of the following things to you.

“Really, well child, I am clearly blind then. Cause you are clearly good enough for me. My wisdom would tell you to get off the couch and go take some water to a homeless person and experience what being good enough is.”

Or, she might say, “quit feeling sorry for yourself and get out of the house and go play.”

Or, maybe she will say, “tell me all about those times in your life that you have not felt good enough and I will listen with intent to every hurt that has made you feel that way. But when you are all done, I want you to go out and play. You can come back and share with me again and again whenever those old hurts box you around like a boxing bag. But one day, you will be able to box back with my nurturance and care.

Practical Lessons For Everyday Life from the Divine Feminine

The Mother of God and Demeter

Discovering the Compassionate Mother Within

(The first in a series of essays.)

What in the world does that mean?Think about it.

I started thinking about this concept of restoring the compassionate mother after reading Pinkola Estes latest book, Untie the Strong Womanand found myself falling further in love with the Mother of God, Mary.Mary is basically invisible in the protestant church and as an Episcopalian it seems to be she is ignored.We (Episcopalians) have ignored her strength and position in the hierarchy of the Church and I do not hear us turning to her as a resource for our spirituality.

However, from the first time that I walked the Labyrinth I found myself connecting to the Mother of God as I entered the center of the Labyrinth which is like a womb to me.I could picture myself being cradled there like a small child or held closely like an adult who needed a shoulder to cry upon.Or on more interesting occasions I can even see myself sitting across from Mary having a cup of tea or glass of wine, sharing woman talk about the things that interest or concern me.Thus the labyrinth is way to Mary that opens a whole new world of creativity.

The Mother of God is about relationship.When I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 1999, I remember saying something to the effect of “I need to go to the top.I will skip pass Jesus and God and talk directly to the Mother of God.”I write about that experience in my book, In a Moment’s Notice: A Psychologist’s Journey with Breast Cancer and I dedicate a whole chapter to the wonder of the labyrinth as part of my journey. However, not all of you will relate to Mary as the Mother of God.Thus there are many other images of the Strong Woman.

One of the most recent images is in William P. Young’s book, The Shack.In this very powerful read Papa, represents God in the book.The paradox is that “Papa” is a big black woman who has a wild sense of humor and wonderful cooking skills.

In Greek mythologies there are several characters, but the most imposing is that of Demeter, the mother of Persephone.In this story we see a strong woman, a mother whom refused to be comforted until her daughter was returned from the underworld.Demeter, the goddess of food and grain became enraged with depression and refused to plant any seeds after Persephone was abducted by Hades in the underground.This deal was made behind Demeter’s back by Persephone’s father, Zeus.Finally, when it was clear to Zeus and everyone else that no one was going to eat until Persephone returned another deal was made and Persephone was set free from Hades for nine months out of the year.Those three months that Persephone must return to Hades, Demeter refuses to plant and there we have the story of winter.

In order for us to grow up as strong mature adults we need a strong woman in our lives and a strong woman is a compassionate woman.We must create her within us or if you prefer discover the Mother who was always there.

The Seven Last Words of Christ -Labyrinth Meditation for Good Friday

I wrote this meditation at the request of the Pastor for Foothills Christian, in honor of Good Friday.  For those of you who have a Labyrinth nearby you can copy this and take it to walk or you can use it for a reflective meditation and journaling prayer.

The Seven Last Words of Christ: Reflections for Good Friday as you walk the Labyrinth.  This worksheet or worship sheet is intended to be a guide to help you stay focused on the significance of Christ’s Death on the Cross.  How does it apply to you and your personal situation today March 29, 2013?

“Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

Father as I walk this first circuit of the labyrinth I ask that you forgive me for……….  When I reacted the way I did I was impulsive and selfish and did not know what I was doing.   Forgive me.

“I assure you today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43

Father as I walk this second circuit of the Labyrinth I need your assurance, your love, your tenderness that I will be with you in Paradise, not only in the end, but today, Father.  May I learn to experience your Heaven on earth today?

“Dear Woman, Here is Your Son.”  John 19:26

(Place your name at the end of the sentence.
Imagine Jesus looking into His Mother’s eyes and telling her, Dear Woman here is your son, ____________or your daughter, ____________________.  What would it be like to establish a relationship with Mary the Mother of Jesus in such an intimate way?  Whatever comes up for you with this reflection remember it and write it down later.  Jesus would not have given John to his mother if it did not have a significance.

“My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?”  Mark 15:34

(On this fourth circuit of the labyrinth) Hear Jesus cry out to God.  He feels abandoned.  If you were going to be as honest with God today as Jesus was on the cross, what would your anguish cry, My God, My God why have you_______________________________?


“I am Thirsty.” John 19:28

At this point on the Labyrinth you can see the Center again.  You are almost there but yet there ate still two more circuits.  What do you Thirst for?  What are your longings that do not feel Satisfied?


“It is finished!”  John 19:30

Jesus cries out, “It is finished.”  What do you need to finish?  What do you need to let go of that keeps you in anguish?  We create our own anguish by holding on to people, memories, events, past wounds, future calamities and in this display of it is finished, there is a surrender to the way things are.  What do you need to finish?



“Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands.”  Luke 23:46

Last Circuit, Almost there.  Don’t Rush.  Take your time.  You are about to inner the Womb of God, the Belly of the Most High, The Holy of Holies.  Breath.  Breath in. Breath out.  God WAITS for you there.  Entrust your spirit into his Hands.

As you let go into the Womb of God, the center of the labyrinth, allow yourself to stay there as long as you would like.  You can sit, kneel, stand, or even dance.   Allow your self to reflect again on what you have just heard in these last seven words of Jesus.   Notice what it is like inside of your body now.   How do you feel?  What do you need?  Imagine God with you there in the center.  When your thirst has been met, and you feel that you are ready to return walk through each of the seven circuits again reflectively.  Maybe on the way out you will want to read these words out loud.   Take some time at the end to prayerfully reflect on what this experience has been like for you.

You will probably find this experience more meaningful if you take some time to write about the experience, especially about being Mary’s Son or Daughter.

Seven Last Words of Christ -Labyrinth Meditation for Good Friday

I wrote this meditation at the request of the Pastor for Foothills Christian, in honor of Good Friday.  For those of you who have a Labyrinth nearby you can copy this and take it to walk or you can use it for a reflective meditation and journaling prayer.

The Seven Last Words of Christ: Reflections for Good Friday as you walk the Labyrinth.  This worksheet or worship sheet is intended to be a guide to help you stay focused on the significance of Christ’s Death on the Cross.  How does it apply to you and your personal situation today March 29, 2013?

“Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

Father as I walk this first circuit of the labyrinth I ask that you forgive me for……….  When I reacted the way I did I was impulsive and selfish and did not know what I was doing.   Forgive me.

“I assure you today you will be with me in Paradise.” Luke 23:43

Father as I walk this second circuit of the Labyrinth I need your assurance, your love, your tenderness that I will be with you in Paradise, not only in the end, but today, Father.  May I learn to experience your Heaven on earth today?

“Dear Woman, Here is Your Son.”  John 19:26

(Place your name at the end of the sentence.
Imagine Jesus looking into His Mother’s eyes and telling her, Dear Woman here is your son, ____________or your daughter, ____________________.  What would it be like to establish a relationship with Mary the Mother of Jesus in such an intimate way?  Whatever comes up for you with this reflection remember it and write it down later.  Jesus would not have given John to his mother if it did not have a significance.

“My God, My God, Why have you abandoned me?”  Mark 15:34

(On this fourth circuit of the labyrinth) Hear Jesus cry out to God.  He feels abandoned.  If you were going to be as honest with God today as Jesus was on the cross, what would your anguish cry, My God, My God why have you_______________________________?


“I am Thirsty.” John 19:28

At this point on the Labyrinth you can see the Center again.  You are almost there but yet there ate still two more circuits.  What do you Thirst for?  What are your longings that do not feel Satisfied?


“It is finished!”  John 19:30

Jesus cries out, “It is finished.”  What do you need to finish?  What do you need to let go of that keeps you in anguish?  We create our own anguish by holding on to people, memories, events, past wounds, future calamities and in this display of it is finished, there is a surrender to the way things are.  What do you need to finish?



“Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands.”  Luke 23:46

Last Circuit, Almost there.  Don’t Rush.  Take your time.  You are about to inner the Womb of God, the Belly of the Most High, The Holy of Holies.  Breath.  Breath in. Breath out.  God WAITS for you there.  Entrust your spirit into his Hands.

As you let go into the Womb of God, the center of the labyrinth, allow yourself to stay there as long as you would like.  You can sit, kneel, stand, or even dance.   Allow your self to reflect again on what you have just heard in these last seven words of Jesus.   Notice what it is like inside of your body now.   How do you feel?  What do you need?  Imagine God with you there in the center.  When your thirst has been met, and you feel that you are ready to return walk through each of the seven circuits again reflectively.  Maybe on the way out you will want to read these words out loud.   Take some time at the end to prayerfully reflect on what this experience has been like for you.
 
You will probably find this experience more meaningful if you take some time to write about the experience, especially about being Mary’s Son or Daughter.