YOUR LIFE A-Z:VOLUNTEER

THESE CHARACTERS ARE ALWAYS READY TO MAKE YOU SMILE

VOLUNTEER

Each of you is very busy and has little discretionary time left to give one more ounce anywhere. This blog is not about burdening you with one more thing.  First let’s look at the little things you already do that fall into the category of VOLUNTEERING.  Make a list of everything that you did this week and look for the hidden VOLUNTEERING in the list.  Did you call a needy friend?  Did you take food to a sick neighbor?  Those are actions that fall into the category of VOLUNTEERING. Give yourself praise for the small things that you already do in within your normal schedule and congratulate yourself for your small acts as a VOLUNTEER. Next, notice the ushers at museums, plays, concerts, and sporting events the next time you go.  Most of those positions are VOLUNTEER positions.  Pretty sweet deal isn’t it?  VOLUNTEERS get to see amazing performances for only directing you to your seat. Being a VOLUNTEER can be fun and relaxing.  In many scenarios the VOLUNTEER receives so much more by giving.  If your life is lacking something,  I do encourage you to make room in your life to VOLUNTEER.  You don’t have to VOLUNTEER weekly or even monthly.  You might discover that serving the homeless on Thanksgiving or Christmas once a year is sufficient for you.  I believe many VOLUNTEER’s feel guilty if he/she is not VOLUNTEERING.  If that is the case, take a break from VOLUNTEERING and go play golf or see the latest movies instead. Guilt is not the reason to VOLUNTEER and may be a sign you are burned out. Enjoy your life.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:GRACE

ONE STEP OF GRACE AT A TIME

GRACE

GRACE is considered a root word to GRACEFUL and GRACIOUSNESS.  Also, from a Christian perspective GRACE is a theological word that implies God’s love and acceptance of you just the way you are, not holding you in judgment for your normal humanity.  As the TWENTY-MINUE COACH, I would like you to practice more of the theological word GRACE toward yourself, releasing your judgment and criticism of yourself for being human.  You are going to screw-up and make mistakes.  Some of those mistakes are going to be huge and others annoying.  Either way, nothing is therapeutic about beating yourself up with emotional negativity that berates you and betrays you. When you put yourself, you are practicing self-betrayal. Stop and think about that.  Those hurt feelings and broken heart by those who have hurt you in the past is no different than the pain and anguish you cause your own soul by the emotional abuse you dish out everyday at yourself.  GRACE, personal GRACIOUSNESS toward yourself is what you need.  The simple words, “I forgive myself for________,” are helpful and healing words to break the monotony of the negative drone in your head.  GRACE is an action and a movement of positive energy that allows life to flow beautifully and look regal.  Practice being regal and asserting a sense of confidence about your life and let GRACE flow from your body as well as from your mouth and heart.  GRACIOUSNESS is needed to co-exist with you and with others.  Be Gracious today.

YOUR LIFE A-Z GENTLE

BE GENTLE IN ALL STORMS

GENTLE

Being gentle with yourself as you move toward change is the best gift that you can give yourself.  Being unforgiving, critical, and demanding will hurt you at your core. Harshness injures your soul. Negativity damages you at your cellular level, making your cells ragged and mutating.  Being GENTLE with yourself is an amazing tool for healing. And if I call it a tool, it will be more palatable for some of you.

When I suggest a GENTLE inner voice to a client, it sometimes makes them recoil in disgust.  That tells me a lot about the level of shame they have at their core self.  Usually, the words that roll out of his/her mouth after I suggest a GENTLE inner voice are “I am not going to be weak or a cry baby.”  That response often comes when I make a suggestion such as, “I know you are feeling disappointed with your choice right now and you need to have some alone time to deal with the hurt.” Verses a response that says, “Stupid, you did it again, you are always going to be a loser just like your father said you would.”  So, if GENTLE is a tool, just like breath work, journaling, affirmations, emotional regulation, and goal setting, then GENTLE is just another tool in your Coaching tool box.

If a situation needs a tiny screwdriver, a hammer is not going to be helpful.  So, choose the right tools for the right situations. A tiny screwdriver is necessity in all toolboxes.  So is the GENTLE inner voice or a GENTLE touch, or a GENTLE response a necessity for positive change.

YOUR LIFE A-Z:ZEN

SUFFER LESS- CONNECT WITH YOUR SELVES

ZEN

ZEN is one of the meditative arts and spiritual practices that began in China during the 6th century and moved south to Vietnam, northeast to Korea, and east to Japan.  ZEN de-emphasizes doctrine and emphasizes the meditative state of enlightenment, where all is well inside of your regardless of what chaos is going on outside of you.  ZEN is a state of being that is calm, aligned, confident, and centered even though your spouse may have just walked out or your car got totaled by an unfortunate accident. ZEN is important because it keeps our bodies in rhythm, our blood pressure normal, our heart rate perfect, and our fear levels within appropriate range.  The ZEN master that you might be familiar with is Thich Nhat Hanh.  This 87-year-old ZEN monk says, “Meditation practice can help us suffer less.”  The ZEN state is achieved through mindfulness, which is achieved through sitting.  When sitting in ZEN practice the goal is to stay focused on breath, now, being and noticing. If there is pain in your position breath into it, let it move out. If there is a negative thought, notice it and let it move on out to the horizon and drop off of the face of the earth.  There are many ways to practice and you can find your own way only if you set aside the time to sit and be.  You can read any of many books to help you, or you can look up a ZEN center on the web and go check out this important practice of inner peace.

YOUR LIFE A-Z: MEANINGFUL

DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO CONNECT IN MEANINGFUL WAYS

MEANINGFUL

What is it that makes your life meaningful and what is meaningful to you?  This word wraps nicely around gratitude because as we think about it, the word MEANINGFUL probably brings to mind things like family, children, friendships, good health, honest values, trustworthiness, and freedom.  As you reflect further on the word you might extract valuables from the periphery of the word and realize that a piece of jewelry or art,because of the occasion or giver, is very meaningful to you. You might also remember trips in your life that were MEANINGFUL and certain milestones, such as graduation from high school, baptism, commitment ceremonies, or special birthdays that were a part of creating you into the person you are today.  In one sense of the word, MEANINFULNESS sneaks up on us and just happens but we can create meaning too.  If you are feeling lost, bored, lonely, and struggling to find MEANINGFULNESS in your life today, then get out of yourself.  Go out and make someone else smile.  Go find a homeless person and bring them some lunch.  Look online and donate to a specific cause that’s meaningful to you.  Call up some one who might like to hear your cheery voice, say, “Hey, just checking in to see how you are doing?”  MEANINGFUL moments create MEANINGFUL lives.  Don’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself.  Get out and do something to make someone else feel better.  As a result, you will feel better because you made your life count today.  Today is all you have.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z: GRATITUDE

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO START THE MONTH

GRATITUDE

I bet you were wondering when this “G” word was going to show-up?  Here it is and it is a very important word because without Gratitude, our lives become brittle; or we can become entitled selfish humans.  I believe as Americans we have a hard time with feeling entitled, somehow owed privileges that we really need to earn rather than just expect we deserve.  Being grateful or even keeping a gratitude journal where each evening you write down five things that you are grateful for during the last twenty -four hours will lift your attitude, energy and your self-esteem.  Gratitude helps us understand that life could be worse.  Gratitude helps us feel thankful for being alive.  Gratitude helps us respect our health, money, home, and other daily gifts that we so quickly take for granite.  Gratitude makes us happier people to be around and it also helps us like ourselves better.  Gratitude teaches us humility and acceptance.  Gratitude is a simple act of saying “thank-you” for another day.  Gratitude is saying thank-you to the server at the restraint that is hurried and distracted by their personal life.  Gratitude is a way of being gentle on this earth and taking our lives seriously.  Gratitude is living with a giving heart.  Today, I challenge you to name twenty-five things that you are grateful for.  Do not stop until you get to twenty-five.  Start with being grateful that you can see and read and that you have some electronic device that delivered this to your mail box.  Be specific, be deliberate, and be grateful. 

Your Life A-Z LISTEN

Shh! I 'm Listening

LISTEN

To pay attention to something.  There is so much to listen to today; you really need to have a filter to help you focus on what is important.  For instance, if your partner is speaking to you, it might be important to put Facebook down.  If you are driving, it might be important not to have the music so loud that you can’t hear an emergency vehicle’s siren.  Listening attentively is what I do for a living. I am paying attention not only to the words that are coming out of a client’s mouth, but to the tone, the volume, and the body language. If a client is answering yes to something but is shaking his/her head no, then there is incongruence between what is being said and what is really being said.  In psychotherapy, most of us believe that the body does not lie.  As a result, using the body as a source of wisdom and intuition is very important. 

Today pay attention to inside of your body.  What does your body say to you about ___________________?  What is it your body thinks about what is going on in your life? Is your body relaxed in your relationship or uptight?  Is your body happy at work or frustrated?  What is the tension in your shoulders trying to let you know?  What is the knot in your stomach  screaming at you?  Practice your breathing and tune in to your body and listen.  Pay attention and take action toward releasing the negativity in your life.

Photo: RbDilleytwenty minute coachTwenty Minute Coach