Your Life A-Z BREATH

Learn the Art of Breathing Deeply

BREATH

Breath is our friend.  Breathing is something that the majority of us do without thinking about it.  It is also true that most of us hold our breath when we are anxious or troubled.  We only realize that we have been holding our breath when we let go with a long sigh and notice how good it feels to let go.  

During these 365 days of the TWENTYMINUTECOACH, YOUR LIFE A-Z, I will be referring to “breath” often.  Breathing, conscious breathing, softens our eyes and how we view the world.  Conscious, slow breathing, reduces our heart rate and decreases our anxiety.  Breathing allows our thinking to become calm and clear.  Make learning to use your breath as a positive influence in your life this year.  Count your breath. Count six breaths.  Count ten breaths.  Learn to breathe fully in and exhale slowly and completely out.  Notice the positive change in your feelings when you actually focus on your breath.  Notice how your body has relaxed and take a look around you and notice how "soft" the world feels. This is a free and fun tool to help you through the most awkward and frustrating circumstances.  

Photo: the Mystical Arts of Tibet, Puerto Penasco Mx. By RBDilley

Your Life A-Z AWARE

Check out Your Options with an Unobstructed View 

I have been asked by many, “what happened to the daily blog, where you published a word-a-day?”  I  reminded myself that I made a commitment to publish daily for one year a new word each day and readers could meditate, reflect, or journal about the word.  I kept my commitment for one year and now I will re-post those blogs in order that more of you can take part in this challenge to make the next 365 days count as you move into the present and become aware of your choices and actions. Enjoy.  

AWARE

The word of the day is Aware.  Look out for yourself from the best vantage point.  Rather than getting to the bottom of something, get to the top of it.  In the movie, The Dead Poet's Society, the students climbed to the top of their desks and looked outward as they said with gusto, "Seize The Day."  

Seize your day from the top of the rocks, look around and be aware.  Make a commitment to yourself to live in the present.  Ask yourself some inner investigative questions.  Start with centering yourself.  What emotion are you aware of right now?  How does that make your body feel?  What happens if you breath six deep breaths and stretch?  How does the feeling change?  Be aware of you!  Be aware of your emotions, thoughts, body and use your breath to deepen your awareness.  

In an interview between Pema Chodron and K.D. Lang. earlier this year these two Buddhist referred to the Gap experience.  The Gap is that space where we stop, look up, and notice that there is a sky and it is blue, or stormy, or dusk.  The Gap is taking time to stop and notice.  Where ever you are right now, look up.  What do you see?  Does you visual environment make you smile?  If not, what do you need to change so that you can smile?   

Becoming AWARE is a practice of being alive in the moment.  Don’t miss this moment.  

Photo:RBDilley

INTRODUCING THE TWENTY MINUTE COACH FOR 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  Today is the first day of 2014.  Allow yourself to acknowledge this opportunity to grow, change, and be different in 2104.  Today this blog starts a daily entry, Your Life A-Z, The Twenty Minute Coach.  Each day I will post on a letter from alphabet to keep you focused and moving forward with your life.   The posts may automatically post to www.facebook.com/inamomentsnotice.   However, to assure daily delivery please sign up to have this blog delivered directly to your email.

The basics of the Twenty Minute Coach are these three simple questions:

1. What do you want to change?  (Are you sure?)
2. What steps do you have to take it change?
3. Start step 1.  Repeat


Other questions to ask your self are:

1. How is the thing I want to change serving me? (What are the positive benefits?)
2. What will it cost me to change it?
3. Am I ready to pay the price?
4. What will I enjoy as a result of making this change?
5. How will my life be better by making this change?
6. Will I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment by making this change?
7. How will I keep encouraging myself to do this change?
8. Who can I recruit to help me so I don’t have to do this alone?
9. Now, that I am clear, what is my action plan?
10. When is my finish date?  If this plan is too big break it down into three parts with three separate finish dates.

Walk Your Talk -Personal Experience at Labyrinth Training with Dr.Lauren Artress

San Francisco in and of itself is a magical place.  It was proabably over an hour of my first walk down the streets of China Town and North Beach before I heard a word of English.  People of all colors, of all sizes, of all ethnicities walked with intent on the street while tourists meandered like me.  Here is is November and my first purchase was a baseball cap because the sun was beating dowon on my thinly covered scalp.  I wandered with anticipation about what these next two days would hold.  I was curious as to why I was here now.  

Yes,  I know I chose to come here.  But there have years of training and I have designed and conducted several Labyrinth workshops on my own already.  So, why here, why now?   I opened the door to the room to find Lauren Artress preparing and I said, "Hello Lauren," as if I knew her.  From that moment on I entered a space that unfolded piece by piece. 

We used Seven Whispers by Christine Baldwin as our text and I certainly would recommend The Lily and the Lotus by Janet Conner (which I used to prepare myself for this time).  We sat in a circle and told stories, stories about who really were, not what we did for a living.  We told stories of heartbreak and joyful experiences. We connected to our source deep within and to each other.

At one point yesterday, I was expressing my doubt, and said "Really, God.  Is this what you really want?"  Lauren looked at me and said,  "The question is, what is it Robin wants?"  It became chrystal clear in that moment.  I want to conduct life changing workshops using the Labyrinth and other metaphors of healing, that bring the best out of people so that they can be about the business of making a differencei in the world.  I want to transition my practice to workshosps and twenty minute coaching.  

I have been working over the past few weeks on a new project, The Twenty Minute Coach.  I will  be premeiring the program in January and I am excited that my practice is morphing into something new.  It is an evolution.  Those of you in my practice, do not get scared.  I am not going anywhere and you may not notice the change, and the changes you do notice will be positive.  Life is always changing and if we allow ourselves, we can be transformed through those changes.  We can resist.  I did not know how much resistance I had on board until yesterday, but In A Moment's Notice yesterday, my direction changed.  I will be resposting some old blogs on the labyrinth andI will be doing, "Walk a DIrect Path in 2014 on January 11, 2014.  For those of you ready to experience the Labyrinth as a transformative tool can go to my website and sign up today for that workshop.  More blogs to
come!

Preparing Yourself for Change

It has been said that the one thing in life that everyone can count on is "change."  Change is inevitable and it happens all the time.  Most of the time we do t notice the small changes, like the change in our breathing when we are listening intently.  But notice, the next time you hear something foreign, notice that your body becomes still, you sit up, and you hold your breath.  If  the noise is a just a creak in the house you identify it, label it and move on with the task at hand. However, if the sound is noticeably different, not easily identifiable all of your body changes to alert you, that danger may be near. 

That is a simple illustration of our bodies response to "different."  Now, think about the times when you knew you were going to have to change. Notice all of the self messages like: 
                 "I can't do this."  "I don't want to do this."  "This sucks." 

Next think about a change you want to make or perhaps a change you have been wanting to make but just can't get into the right space to make it.  List all of the messages you give yourself about the desired change.  De-construct each negative message by asking yourself these questions:
           1.) what small step can I take today toward my desired change?
           2.) what can I do about this that I have not been willing to do?
           3.) what is the worse thing that can happen if I move toward my desired change?
           4.) what are three positive things that can happen if I move toward my desired change?
Focus on making the three positive things happen.  You have actually tricked yourself into having achievable goals. Now, go for it.

More tools coming in next blog. Drdilley@psychotherapyunlimited.com

General Apathy

I was reading the introductory paragraph to my blog this morning and saw that I used the word general apathy.  I often tell my clients that wanting life to be exciting and an adventure all of the time is unrealistic and often thrill seeking is an addiction.  However, this morning I ran across an article on my Face Book (you can follow me there at www.facebook.com/inamomentsnotice.) by Andrea Balt written on July 31, 2013.  It was her 30th birthday and the title of the article is, 30 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Die.  It was published on nextadventure.org if you want to find the entire article.   I found her article to be very thoughtful, so much so that I wanted to use it on my blog to help you deal with general apathy.  It is so easy to fall  into apathy that often times we find ourselves living in it rather than visiting it from time to time.
The first three questions real like this:  How much have you loved?  What do you love doing that you are not doing? What person or type of person would you choose as a life companion?

Perhaps the first question answers the third question.  Le's talk about how much have you loved?   What type of person are you?  Are you generous with your love or do you withhold love until other people prove their love?  What is love? What is the difference between love and compassion?  It is interesting that one question leads to several other questions.  And perhaps one answer to waking up from apathy is to keep asking yourself questions and let the answers evolve from within.  For instance,  if you have never really loved then you live in a protective shell that keeps you from sharing your self with others.  In affect psychology we call often call that protective shell,  shame.  Shame is a biological system within that gets triggered easily and then interrupts our positive experiences and our positive actions.  As a result, shame hinders us from loving ourselves and others.  Yes, that is not a typo nor incorrect grammar,  we have many selves.  That is why our lives are very complex and in that complexity it is often hard to get ourselves to work together in our best interest.

Which part of you is preventing you from loving enough?  If you have loved then you have been hurt by love because the two go hand in hand.  You cannot love and expect never to be hurt.  The people we love are the ones closest to us and thus the ones that are capable of doing the most hurt.   You can think of love as a boot camp for personal growth.  The more you love the more opportunity avails itself for you to be hurt, but the flip side o that is the more opportunity for you to be thrilled with the companionship of life full of a significant other, friends, family, and colleagues who truly do love you and you love them.  It is hard to remain apathetic when you love.  Also, realize love is more than a feeling, it is a choice.  We choose to love and we choose who we love.  Love may feel like something that happens and then you may falsely assume that when you don't feel that "love" anymore you are no longer in love.  Loving and being in love are dances to the same song.  Sometimes you don't feel it but you choose it and other times you do feel it and can't imagine not feeling this way.  

So, the first question, "how much have you loved?"  is worthy of true introspection and a few more blogs on the topic.  Until next time, pledge to love enough and see how it changes your daily life.  Dr. D.

Lessons From the Life of Pi

Lessons from the Life of Pi:

There are many lessons throughout this wonderfully complex movie …too many to write about in today’s newsletter.  Some of those lessons I will be blogging about at www.blogsot.com/drdilley.
However, if you have not watched the movie, please do so and focus (for the purpose of this article) on the part of the movie where Pi trains Richard Parker.  (Richard Parker is the tiger’s name.)
In this segment of the movie a lot of lessons have already been learned by Pi, especially a really important, but perhaps harsh lesson (sometimes in life we need a bit of harshness to get the point).  That lesson was:  tigers are tigers and they are carnivores.  They will eat you.
Pi’s father taught him that lesson when Pi was very young and he was getting ready to feed the tiger by hand.  For those of you who are parents, think about how quickly you react when your young child runs out into the middle of oncoming traffic.  A good parent does not say, “Now Jimmy or Susie, don’t do that.”  A good parent grabs the child from the middle of the intersection and proceeds to find a way to express how dangerous that action was and insist it never ever happen again.
Pi learned that lesson and it came in very handy when he was in the middle of the ocean for days, if not weeks, on the same boat as Richard Parker.  Pi was clearly intimidated and afraid and spends most of his time on a very poorly made raft, keeping a safe distance from Richard Parker.  Richard Parker on the other hand enjoyed the boat, with shade and lots of space.
This raises the therapeutic question,  “What are you doing on the raft when your fear is ruling you from the much more comfortable life boat?”
Finally, when Pi became more and more uncomfortable on the raft, he decided it was time to train Richard Parker.  The battle between human and beast - or you and your fear - begins.
In the beginning, the training did not go well and Richard Parker maintained control of the lifeboat.  But one day, Pi decided that perhaps it was a good idea to make Richard Parker seasick.  The next few scenes are a brilliant display of Pi rocking Richard Parker’s luxurious lifeboat while using the gentleness of the whistle to comfort Richard Parker.   The whistle created interest in Richard Parker and he began to pay attention to the whistle.  From that point on, Richard Parker and Pi created a safe dance between the two of them and they were able to co-exist with mutual respect and awareness; they needed each other.

Who is Richard Parker (fear) in your life?
How is Richard Parker taking over your life and your comfort zone?
How can you begin to train your fear to be under the trance of your whistle in order for you and your fear can co-exist?

Perhaps your fear will never go away or perhaps one day it will walk away in respect to your needs, as Richard Parker left Pi lying on the beach.  But none the less, for now your fear is like Richard Parker, an untamed tiger that needs to be trained in order for you to move forward in your life.  I invite you to write about you and your relationship to your fear pretending your fear is a wild beast that if given a chance will eat you alive.  See what comes up for you.

If you want to explore this metaphor more fully, you can email at drdilley@psycyhcotherapyunlimted.com to make an appointment to explore what this movie can do for you.