YOUR LIFE A-Z SILENCE

SERENE AND SILENT

SILENCE is one of the most important mindful techniques and tools that you can integrate into your daily life.  Set a timer and sit for 5 minutes.  Do nothing but sit.  What was that like?  Did your mind abuse you with negative thoughts about wasting time and not getting things done?  Did you notice sounds that you would have missed because you were not mindful of them, like birds chirping or the soft whirl of the heating unit?  It is also useful to practice SILENCE when you have nothing kind or nice to say.  Being SILENT in the middle of chaos can calm everyone down.  It is easier to explore any situation that is happening if you give it a moment of reflective SILENCE.  If you are someone who needs background noise such as music or TV playing in the background,then choose to turn that static noise off for ½ hour a day and notice what happens.  If you do that for thirty days, I believe you will notice a positive difference in your being.  SILENCE is not only golden, it is also electric.  It allows you the time to tune into important internal information and pay attention to feelings, emotions, and thoughts by giving wisdom a chance to settle in around you. Like a wonderful gentle blanket letting you know without words what you need to focus on next.  If you have an important question that you are trying to obtain an answer to, just ask it and practice SILENCE until you know the answer.  You will know when you know.  

YOUR LIFE A-Z READ

READ
What is it that you always wanted to know or to do?  READ about it.  Find out as much as you can about those subjects that interest you.  Make yourself a research project and become an expert on anything you want to know about.  READ as a way to educate, stimulate, and develop passion.  There are so many things out there to do and to discover and talented authors can take you there by the way they make the words on a page dance life right into your being.
Here are some interesting reads if you want to know something more about spirituality and Buddhism, read Pema Chodron’s, The Places that Scare You. To enjoy an entirely different take on Buddhism read, Buddha Walks Into the Bar by Lodro Rinzler.  If you want to understand the history and spiritual connection with the Virgin Mary, read Clarissa Pinkola Estes book, Untie the Strong Woman: Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Love for the Wild Soul or if you have an avid researcher inside give the History of God a whirl by Karen Armstrong.  For a psychological vacation, read Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection or if you are feeling lost try The Passion Test by Atwood and Atwood.  Want to explore the caves of your own soul spend some time working on Janet Conner’s Writing Down the Soul or the Lotus and the Lily.  Of course there are many wonderful novels to read, so whatever suits your fancy, go explore the world of READING today.  Don’t forget that I have IN A MOMENT’S NOTICE: A PSYCHOLOGIST’S JOURNEY WITH BREAST CANCER and it is just a click away at Amazon or Barnes and Nobles.

YOUR LIFE A-Z QUIT

A SLOTH IS A GREAT ANIMAL TO HELP YOU QUIT

Just for today, one day out of your life, QUIT talking negatively about yourself and others.  In order for you to do this, you must become aware of how negative you are.  Awareness, as I have spoken about is the first step to change.  Without awareness you do not really live life, you just exist. In order to live more fully it is important to QUIT doing things that harm yourself.  It is often helpful to imagine that negativity is a big icky ball of green slime.  Each time you are negative in your thoughts, words, or actions, that green slime attaches itself to your physical body.  So by the end of each day you are covered with smelly, icky green slime that weighs you down. The way to QUIT slimming yourself is to QUIT that old habitual negative talk.  A good technique to help yourself QUIT, is to wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it each time you catch yourself being negative. The snapping sound keeps the slime away.  If you are too self-conscious for that, then choose a different bracelet or watch than you normally wear.  Each time you catch yourself being negative twist your bracelet or watch around your wrist once as an awareness building tool to help you QUIT.  You can use this QUITTING tool to help you QUIT whatever it is you want to QUIT, but it is essential to QUIT talking negatively in order to be happier on a daily basis.

YOUR LIFE A-Z PRACTICE

TAKE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE

PRACTICE

Contrary to the popular saying "Practice makes perfect," practice does not make perfect. Perfection does not exist.  Regardless of how much a professional athlete or pianist practice, there is always a possibility of a bad game or not so perfect performance.  The difference is that practice, daily practice, improves your odds of having more good days than bad ones; and that results in having a happier life.  It is a guarantee that if you do not practice, you will have more bad days than good ones; and you will not achieve your goals as soon as you would like, and sometimes you will not achieve them at all. By practicing, you improve your odds, your skill, your acuity, and your ability.  Without practice you are not as able to adjust to life's curve balls.  When expected things happen, you may not have the agility to be flexible or resourceful.  As a result, you repeat old habits of coping that give you the same bad results you had in the past.  The old depression and victim mentality sets in.  When this starts there is only one thing to do and that is to get back up and return to practice.  Buddhist refer to prayer and meditation as practice.  They also refer to compassion as a practice.  If we reframe the striving for perfection to the practice of practicing we are more than likely to enjoy working toward our goals and achieving our dreams.

YOUR LIFE A-Z OCCUPY

OCCUPY ALL WITH LIGHT

OCCUPY

Yes, it is okay to occupy the space you need and the dreams and desires you have.  Why dream if you cannot occupy them?  In this first few months of the twenty-minute coach, I have talked about action words that get us out of our comfort zone and into a mental, spiritual, and positive emotional space of action allowing us to use our own best resource, ourselves.  Thus it is time to move in and take possession of ourselves, our choices, decisions, and dreams.  If we are not getting to a space where our lives are producing what we desire, then we are not occupying the decisions that we need to be making.  We are wishing, but wishing changes nothing.  By now we are old enough to know that Santa Claus does not exist.  Thus, the only way we are going to get what we want is to take the risk to move in the territory we want and set up camp.  That means we disable negative thinking and enable positive action.  I mean think about it, positive thinking helps us feel better, but it does not get the job done.  Action gets the job done.  To occupy the territory (goal or dream) that you desire requires responsibility.  You are head of state and you have to delegate jobs to your brain, body, and spirit.  To think about meditation, yoga, health, is not the same as doing something.  To occupy is to act. To act is to be responsible.  You cannot occupy your dream unless you act with sole responsibility.  It is up to you!

YOUR LIFE A-Z NEED

LIFE NEEDS LIGHT TO GROW

NEED

Before we start down this road of exploration, it is important to pay attention to what your body experiences when you read this "N" word.  Do you experience a negative sensation in your body?  Do judgements rush to the foreground of your mind?  It is important to explore your judgements, ideas, and feeling about the word NEED.  What are your needs?  Can you say them out loud?  List three really specific needs. For instance, say "I need to feel loved."  What does that look like, feel like, and what actions are required for you to know you are loved?  Is it financial security?  Think about that. If financial security is a necessity for you to experience feeling loved, then what happens to your feeling of love if circumstances drastically change and your partner can no longer provide for you?  Or what happens to your self-love if your financial situation changes?  Do you trash yourself or do you just flat-out pretend you don't need anything?  How does that work for you?  To not admit that you need anything is a very sad position to live in because it essentially means you are not willing to risk anything.  In one sense it is such a guarded position that is a very selfish position. One of the roots of selfishness is protection or defence, and to not acknowledge your needs.  If you are thirsty and need water what do you do?  Do you go get a drink of water or do you expect someone else to bring you water?  The answer to that question tells you a lot about yourself.  Learn to be bold with what you need?

YOUR LIFE A-Z:MAGNETIC

FOLLOW YOUR HEART

MAGNETIC

Do you feel attracted to certain people, places, hobbies, or careers and wonder why?  I think we worry too much about the why’s of our lives and do not allow ourselves to follow that which attracts us.  If you have always wanted to play with stained glass but hear negative messages such as,  “That is way too much of an expense for the equipment. And besides what are you going to do with all of the stuff you make?”  Then you are allowing yourself to stop the MAGNETIC pull that is trying to get your attention to get you out of your rut.  The “WHY” is a three letter drug that immobilizes and stagnates you into inactivity.  

Allow yourself to follow that which draws you.  If you are looking in at other people’s lives and saying things like, “I wish I could be that….” then you need to stop envying the other and start creating your own MAGNETIC life.  Be more colorful, play with emotional connection, and allow intensity to be a motivator and not a cowardly lion in your life. Where is your yellow brick road?  You may not always know what is coming next, or what flying monkeys or wicked witches are trying to stop you, but if you follow the yellow brick road you will have MAGNETIC moments in your adventure in life.  Stop analyzing and start living.  Follow that which draws you and allow it to open up new paths and possibilities where you have told yourself those new paths were not possible for you.  (If that what draws you is immoral nor not a part of your value system…. of course don’t go there.  Go to a therapist instead.)